Stop Overapologizing!
What is overapologizing?
Theoretically you could apologize for every little thing you do wrong to your partner. OA is expressing remorse for things that you don’t really need to say "sorry" for: “Sorry the toast isn’t ready yet." "Sorry for not putting sugar in your coffee." "Sorry for not packing more sandwiches.”
How do you know it’s overapologizing?
I’ve noticed that partners usually implicitly know when they’re overapologizing. It’s usually about small actions that really didn’t harm or upset your partner. People who OA tend to express it in a tense manner, occasionally even repeating the apology several times in the same conversation.
What happens when you over apologize?
Usually, OA is interpreted as a sign low self-esteem, disempowerment, or helplessness, which might be true. When you OA repeatedly over time, you semiconsciously cast your partner as the aggressive, short-tempered, or controlling partner.
How to stop OA
- Reflect whether you or your partner tends to OA. Have an open conversation about the frequency and nature of your apologies.
- Name it to tame it. When you find yourself beginning to OA, playfully own it: “I want to apologize, but actually that's not what I need to do right now.”
- Instead of apologizing, say “thank you,” which will shift the discourse from guilt to gratitude. “Thank you for waiting for me with dinner. I really appreciate it.”
- Replace a post-factum apology with an a priori “It’s not that important to me.” By being clear with your priorities, you can avoid OA altogether by not agreeing to requests that you know you can’t or won’t fulfill.
- Ask your partner, if you’re not sure whether you should apologize. A clear and direct question can help you both initially recalibrate the OA dynamic without losing empathy and sensitivity toward each other.
- When your partner overapologizes, remain playful. Try an unexpected, lighthearted response, such as “Yes, you indeed needed to ask for forgiveness for your grievous peccadillo” or “ I hereby officially absolve you from all your sins.”
- Apologize appropriately when you've wronged your partner.
Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!
Reflection:
Do you find yourself over apologizing at times?
#OverApologizing #Self-esteem #Relationships
Yesss. This is me! I OA alot but I know it stems from my shaky childhood. I do need to get better about it bc my husband has never once been aggressive when things don't go the way I had planned or what ever the scenario may be.
@Mommaof3blues I used to do this too. It takes time to overcome but you'll get there. I wish you the best and I hope you have a lovely day!
