Stuck and still stuck

I posted a couple of days ago about how when my husbands grandma died that he essentially died with her. For the last two nights we’ve been in a truth war, I guess you’d call it, but it turns out that yes, most of the issues in our relationship stem from her, their relationship, and her death.

He let out a ton of things that he was holding onto, and he let me do the same. Just clearing the air. He spoke to his mom after and it was like something broke in him, he held me and we cried together, then our night proceeded on, we watched TV, laid in bed and talked, he held me all night, it was perfect.

He says he doesn’t know who he is anymore, we agreed that it’s for the best if we’re apart right now. The problem is that I still love this man enough to want to give him everything, but he just keeps saying he doesn’t know. I think he wants it to work it out, when I told him that I would leave, he kept asking when I’m coming back, but I told him everything hence forth in the relationship is his choice. If he wants to go, I won’t stop him, no matter how much I don’t want that.

I’m in a state right now, if I stop moving I’ll breakdown. The waiting for him to figure it out is awful. My anxiety is just staying high, I want to cry every 5 seconds. I want my life back, I want my husband back, I don’t want to deal with a divorce, or who gets the kids when.