The Pain

She wont even contact me at all. The loss is so damn painful. What did i do so wrong that she paints me like a monster? I miss my family. I miss her and now i am alone. I forgave myself about so much in my life. I can live with myself. I know who i am. I mentioned before i totally dislike: “itll get better, you have to work on yourself“. I hate it, even. However, as a family man “the void“ left in my heart is way too large to fill. Its a hole left by not having my children, step children, (i pray for the lil one we lost as much as i pray for everyone), my animals, our combined experiences, the love shared, our animals, and my girlfriend (soon to had been, fiance). To quote Good Will Hunting, Robin Willims: “....she made me vulnerable (to her) just by looking in her eyes...“. I miss her, i miss us. I did and wouldve done ANYTHING for my family. I loved who i was turning into around them and now im a shell. Not because i dont know who i am and what i must do, but what was so mtoo large to fill. Its a hole left by d. What i was “living“ for is hone. We werent just “dating“, we were us! It was getting stronger. I helped with everything, from cancer to losing a child and i feel discared. No matter my mistakes were, i dont feel i deserve this. I have NEVER, i mean NEVER, experienced “emptiness“ like this before. I dont hate her. I dont. I heard somewhere that when things get rough, love suppose to conquer all to help get through the down times. I guess my love was discarded as well. I fear that my lonliness and love loss will never heal as I feel that she moved on without me and my while entire phone is a reminder of whats lost. 

I thank you if you have read this. Im losing a battle within a war i cant win. 😒😒😒😒😒😒