The best friend

Stick with me here because this is long and gets a bit complicated.

I’m a 29f. My wife and I have been together for nearly 11 years, 5 married. About 10 months ago we made quick friends with a 23f who worked in our attorney’s office. She quickly showed interest in my wife and expressed interest in having a sexual relationship with her. I felt secure in our marriage so I figured sure, why not. Over the course of a couple weeks the 23f came over to our house and things became intimate, and on each occasion I was present and nothing happened without my approval and comfort. She quickly became a very close friend to both my wife and I and after a traumatic incident (we won’t get into that), we agreed to let her move in for a couple months until she left for law school. Mind you, things were still simple and she was just a friend.

Fast forward a few months and my wife and 23f become very very close and click on a level that begins to make me uncomfortable. I express my concerns multiple times and my wife says it’s not that deep, but I know her better than that. She also tells me that it’s temporary because 23f is leaving soon for school. I slowly get pushed out of the relationship between the two of them.

Over time, I continue to express my concerns and discomfort with their relationship and tell my wife how much it hurts me. I finally call my wife out and tell her that I think she’s in love with 23f. She initially denies it but then finally admits what I already knew. Through multiple conversations my wife tells me that while she is in love with 23f, she is also in love with me and still wants a future with me. Keep in mind, we have 3 young children together so a future together is a priority. The caveat to this is that my wife also expresses that her “ideal situation” would be to have a happy future being married to me while also having her now 23f best friend as a comfort person that she can kiss and cuddle whenever she likes. I tell her I’m not comfortable with that, yet she brings it up several more times.

23f finally moves away to school and my wife is DEVASTATED. Like screaming, crying all day long, devastated. She begs me to allow her to have a romantic relationship with 23f and I refuse telling her she needs to choose which person she wants to be with. My wife chooses the romantic relationship with me but continues to be friends with 23f, all while still in love with her. Communication continues between my wife and 23f for several months but our marriage is strained and she still tells me she is in love with her. Mind you, my wife apologizes on a regular basis for breaking my heart and putting me in this position, but tells me she can’t change how she feels. There is zero connection between us right now it seems but I still love her so much and want to be with her. And she tells me she wants a future with me and she knows I am the right choice.

Am I insane and delusional for hanging on to this marriage? Should I throw in the towel? So many times I’ve felt like I should walk away but can’t bring myself to do it. God, I just need some help here.