The perpetual loop
Why do I feel like dating is just a loop? The loop changes in size but always comes back to the same spot. I’m not saying I don’t take away or learn anything from relationships, but there always seems to be a reason for it to end and I’ve heard it all, from I found someone else to I just don’t feel it with you to I’m just into girls (for some reason I hit it off with bi girls) to it’s not you and boy I tell you that last one is getting really exhausting to hear.
Everyone around me tells me how much of a catch I am and how well I’m doing in life or how great I got it, “you’re 6 foot 3, in shape, yada yada” the amount of times I’ve heard “you’re a solid 9” doesn’t have me questioning my looks anymore, the job of my dreams at 26, I take care of my body, socially, nobody that I don’t get along with, hobbies of all genres, creative, physical, social but regardless of how hard I try in life, regardless of how hard I try in the relationship, regardless of where I put effort in the relationship (because trust me everyone is different and wants different kinds of effort), regardless of if I pace it or jump into it, the pattern repeats and the loop completes itself again and I am back here, alone.
Yes this is stemming from a current breakup, and again, like always, we were together that long but long enough for me to build hope that it was real this time again, just for me to relearn the same lesson again that the loop still closes.
It was so much easier when I was younger and could use it as motivation because I wasn’t who I am today and had a ton of flaws and not the best job and more insecurities and anxieties and so on but I don’t feel that now, I’m not saying I’m perfect but I’m actually happy with who I am and proud of the changes ive made for once in life and yet, still I go to bed alone at night, still no good morning or good night text, not a shoulder to cry on or the ability to give one (because that matters just as much) just me wondering where I went wrong.
So I ask you think random 7 cups thread, do you feel like you are stuck in this loop as well? And if so, do you keep letting another loop start? Do you still have hope? Why?
I feel what you’re saying, man. That loop feeling doesn’t mean you haven’t learned or that you don’t like who you are.. sometimes it just feels like life keeps handing you the same situation with different faces. That gets exhausting, especially when you’ve actually done the work.
From where I’m sitting, you seem solid..you know yourself, you’re stable, and you’ve got your *** together. That alone puts you ahead of a lot of people. But even when you’re doing everything right, you’re still gonna run into bad timing and the wrong people. That’s just part of the process.
I still have hope because I know there are good women out there who actually want something real, same way there are good dudes. The problem is a lot of them aren’t loud or actively searching because they’ve been burned. So it takes time to cross paths.
Keep being you, stay open, and don’t let the loop convince you it’s permanent. Sometimes it’s just the space between chapters.
