This mom needs help/input pls

Mom of 22 year old

My daughter until she was 17 was very loving nurturing, funny sports straight a student. Her dad, my ex husband and I did not have a great relationship.I've kicked him out 4 times for cheating.He would yell a lot , my daughter and I would walk on eggshells , and she would ask me , is it an eggshell day she knew. I never left them , I stayed with him until he died.

She graduated, we put her in college.We paid for her own dorm room as she requested. After 3 or 4 months, she quit college and moved in with a guy from the area bad to drugs and had lice, they were dirty. They didnt eat a lot. She left him and came home in February 2022 she had lice, she had COVID, we cleaned her up. In April, her and I took a trip to Florida together came home. My husband got sick fast. He had lymphoma, and in June, he died.

She was living at home at the time wasn't doing anything. Couldn't take care of the dog didn't go to work, she was just more lazy after he died. She moved out in July of 2022 and ran to Missouri. I had no idea where she was till, she called me months later, said im in Missouri with a guy that blah blah blah, okay. She came home September October somewhere around there. Her car had died that she had. She wanted a new car and she needed a new laptop. Because hers broke, I'm done mom I, you know, I want to get better. Blah blah blah, I bought her a new car a 2016 I bought a new laptop at the time I was talking to my first ex-husband who I was married to early on in my 20s, I married him divorced him when I was 28, we were young and stupid but I started talking him again. He came and met my daughter in December. She liked him. He was very nice. In January, I said, I'm taking a vacation to Florida. I need you to watch the dog. She said, okay, I have been there maybe 4 days and in the middle of the night, she left, I only know that because I had motion detectors on the outside of my house and I got a notice in middle of night that she was leaving, I call, call, call, call, call, no answer. Answers me and goes, I'm done. I'm going back to Missouri, that was it, she hung up on me. I called the Missouri police, and I had them tow the car that was in my name with my insurance brand new car back to Tennessee where I lived, she called screaming at me, yelling at me, cussing me out, I said, im going until you can be respectful. I hung up at the end of January I and called her and told her I was moving to Florida. I did not want to be in Tennessee. My first husband and I are going to try to make a go of it again. This is what I'm doing she could either stay in Missouri or she can come with me to Florida.

These are her choices, her and the boyfriend of Missouri packed up flew on a plane to me cause she had no car and they came to live with me in my future husband in February, we went to Florida 2023. In July and August, she kicked him out. He was stalky and she kicked him out.

Then I was getting married. May 2024, and in April, she said to me, you know, can I invite Dakota, this was the first guy she ever got with. That was a drugy I said You can invite him but he's not staying. I don't like him, so she did. She invited him to the wedding. I didn't care at the time I was happy that I was going to get married. At the end of May she moved out, she said, I'm going to live with Dakota back in Tennessee, I said that is your choice, but you're not taking the new car I gave her the old car that was her father's it's a Kia, and I said you have to put in your name, you have to put the insurance under you. If you want to leave with it, her name, no insurance left for Tennessee, loaded up the snake left for Tennessee.

A few months later, she came back with the snake with the car tells me I was miserable, he was blocking me, he was holding the keys above his head. Wouldn't let me go anywhere, blah blah blah okay, we took her back in then, she met the next boyfriend on the computer who she was talking to for years, she decided to go live with him. He came out in U-Haul and picked her up in October. He picked her up. Nice guy. I met him. I liked him. He was a hard worker. Okay, they pack all her stuff and they move her to fort. Myers, Florida, which was about 4 hours from me, she kept in touch. She came home for Thanksgiving. In April she called me and said you better come get me, I'm done. I get in my car, I drive all the way to Fort Myers 4 hour drive, I pack her up all her stuff, we're leaving in the middle of the night. She's not even telling him she's leaving, she leaves I didnt ask Her what went wrong. It was none of my business. She's old enough by now. She's 22.

So now we say to her, me and my husband no more men that's it, you go to school, you work, you save your money, you get a degree, you take your shower, cause she wasn't showering, you take your pills because you have thyroid disease, you get up by 12 o'clock. Every day that is our rule, we will pay for your schooling, but you will do these in exchange and you will pay us 100 for food because she is a soda drinker and she drinks nonstop soda , which was becoming expensive. She did all that for 4 or 5 months. October, she started sleeping around the house.She wasn't doing her wash.She didn't want to shower.We were reminding her to take her pills at 22.She should be taking them on her own. Her and I were arguing , I had to scream at her to get up out of bed to go to work. It was ridiculous. I packed a laundry bag of dirty clothes into a suitcase and told her she had to go. I couldn't do it anymore. She followed me into the bedroom, and she said, what am I supposed to do about my snake? I said, that's not my problem. She blocked the doorway and wouldn't let me through(her dad did that to me numerous times) I push past and she slapped me.I started screaming, I called my neighbors.I told her she had 30 minutes to get out or Im calling the cops for hitting me.The neighbors came over , they sat with me until she left.

I texted her Merry Christmas. She answered me, she texted me for my birthday in February. I said, thank you. In March. We were talking. She had dyed her hair and I said to her, listen I just want an adult relationship. I'm 53 i have Arthritis, I've had 4 mini strokes, my health is not good. I do not want to live in my 50s and 60s and not have an adult honest relationship with my daughter. She Said, okay, she said, well, I have to tell you that I'm not going to school and they're giving me credits, and I couldn't keep making that 4 hour drive from Georgia now, I found out she's living in Georgia. I said you better check with the school I said because from what the school tells me you have to cancel 2 weeks from the time class starts. If you cancel you got your money, all the 2000 came back to her. If you didn't cancel you lose the money, I said, well, I don't know what they're talking about with credits, but that doesn't seem right? So check that she said OK hung up, may.

I find a picture of Her with TJ. The guy that lives in Missouri, I show her the picture I texted. I said you could have just told me you're in Missouri, if that's the choice you make, that's fine, that's your decision, but I asked you not to lie to me, she said. I'm not in Missouri. That's an old picture. I said I'm just showing you what I see. She said. Well, I'll send you a receipt. She sends me a receipt from Georgia dated 2024. I said, did you see the receipt had 2024 on it. She said, I don't know that's just what 1 of the guys I live with gave me, I said, okay, May 23rd I texted her our cat of 17 years old, I had to put to sleep. I said, we put smokey to sleep this morning.He had pancreatitis, he was in a lot of pain.I wanted you to know. I have not heard from her. I refused to text her as i feel im the one always reaching out. My 2 questions are, did I do the right thing by kicking her out, or should I have just shut up and let her finish school?And then just be done with her , she's got a degree?

And why does she treat me this way? I've done so much for this child. Maybe too much at this point, as I look back, but I've given her every opportunity since I've been in Florida to grow up to be an adult to to take a shower, to take your pills, to work to learn responsibility. And she just can't do it, but why? Why are you being mean to me? The one person in this family that she has, and I'm the one she's being mean to I'm hurt.Sometimes I think about it.Sometimes I don't.I do think about it at night all the time.