Trying to return to who I really am again
Hello Everyone;
First please just be respectful about this post and my life. Second, here's what I would like for some thoughts/feedback.
I am a very open minded person and have enjoyed a wonderful se*ually experienced life in my past, though each person did take it too far and just cheated on me. Then, I was married for almost 30 yrs and, let's just say that the last 5 years was 'boring, quiet and very uneventful'. I became free again, got back out there (though still retained Sahara desert bedroom vibes), and a year and a half later, met a guy, both enjoy a vibrant variety of things (safely) and now have everything I have always wanted.
Here's the problem - I said yes to us both just se*ting others (no phone calls or video chats), though I honestly didn't enjoy it for myself. Then, I got a small flare of jealousy and, we had a talk (he's very understanding) and we put that aside. The problem is I am afraid of these women getting feelings for my guy and eventually making waves, or my guy physically cheating on me. I do trust him at his word not to as he is just not that type, but it's in the back of my head yet.
So, thoughts/feedback on how I can get past these feelings from my past so that I can reclaim who I am and not what my past forced me to be or conditioned me to be?
@AmySamp
Ive found a couple of things useful for moving on from my past.
One was a forgiveness worksheet. I worked it thru for a few people, but actually the biggest break thru for me came when I worked it thru for myself. Suddenly lots of issues I had with people in my past vanished. Can you forgive yourself for feeling normal valid human feelings like jealousy and fear? Too often we are taught to be ashamed of these feelings, when they are just feelings, neither good or bad, and the shame causes us so many problems.
Another was a process for handling triggers. I bet you can find one on Google. When something reminds us of the past, we get triggered into feeling and action patterns we used then. A process where i stopped to notice id been triggered, acknowledged the feelings and actions I wanted to, or had taken were valid then, and then state that they are no longer relevant to my current situation, so thanks brain for the suggestion, but, no, really helped me to change those habits.
Update:
We have decided that we are just going to relax and concentrate on just the two of us for the time being.