ULTIMATE BETRAYAL

my "boyfriend" has pretty much done nothing but lie to me and decieve me. there may have been a small window of time in the beginning that MIGHT HAVE BEEN genuine! but that was prob only about a couple weeks at most ! then after we were getting to know each other on a much more personal level, and he was leaving me under the impression that he was equally as into me as I was to him, all of a sudden his ex girlfriend comes into the pic and she pretty much moved into the pad where we were all living. and it seemed like a matter of hours or overnight he ghosted me and started acting different and basically was passing me up and what we had going on, and went straight up his ex's ***! also during that time I was in the beginning part of my custody case over my 2 year old daughter and I couldn't always be at the pad. I had to go to my mom's and be with my daughter on my visit days. so on one occasion, I came back to my cuzins which is where my boyfriend and now his ex girlfriend and several other people live, and long story short the fur feeling I had about them hooking up was correct. I read messages between my cuzins girlfriend and my BF's ex and when asked by my cuzins girlfriend, my BF's ex admitted it. and he was just be very cold and distant. barely even speaking to me or looking in my direction. this of course was bothersome and hurtful. oh yes I almost 4fot, this ex girlfriend of his, cheated on him during their relationship, with a mutual friend that still also comes to my cousin's pad where we all pretty much spend the majority of our time! so I lashed out and situations arouse, and I started hooking up with sum other guy. but that situation was complicated and another story so then my boyfriend comes back to me saying he realized his mistake and he is sorry and wantes to be with me! he feels like a piece of *** and I was and still am pretty upset about that whole situation but ulhe put on a really good show and convinced me that he was speaking true feelings from the heart! so we linked back up and even tho the ex girlfriend still lives at the same house as the rest of us. it's been a constant reminder of that. although in recent days I find myself not thinking about it so often and not being so heart wrenching sick about it whenever it does pop into my mind. so I. addition to that, things looked as if they just might be ok and then another mutual girlfriend and I were hanging out and she slipped sum info about my boyfriend and yet another female that lives in the same house as the rest of us. come to find out my BF and her got a rent by the hour hotel shortly after the whole thing with his ex went down , and tho this is months later I was finding out about it it still cut just as deep as if it happened yesterday! so needless to say there was a result/reaction , an aftermath if u will. and *** escalated and that was yet another blow to my mental state and everything else that could possibly be affected. I'm still pretty upset about that and probably always will be. alsojust about every other time I go onto his phone I find something inappropriate or backstabbing, something hurtful and it always involves other females. most of them he has been with in the past. telling them how beautiful they r and how he thinks of them and misses them. and then he talks down up on me to them. I've even seen him send a text rexeny to my cuzins girlfriend . whom he's also had sex with several times in the past if not more, telling her why doesn't she come in here for a quickie!!!uhh joking or not, that's foul and honestly I don't see how u can try and claim a somment like that is a joke. u don't JUST JOKE around when u say things of that caliber to abnther person. it holds truth and fravitybtonthise kind of statements. it's meant to flirtatious, and it initiates a certain kind of mindset and everything else that would obviously go n tow with that whole topic/scenario! and this girl is nowhere near as pretty as me. her body is fat and she has a big fat belly and she's missing teeth on the sides. she often has scabs all over her face and shoulders and chest be cuz she lets my cuzins pick at her skin. my BF often brings up how she has had sex with every dirt bag guy in the csothbay abut after one in particular that's when he decides that he could not and would not engage in sexual activity with her again. and it appeared he was telling the truth! but no matter what I always had a gnawing feeling inside that told me sumthing was up ! n e ways he talks about what a dumb *** she is and how her feet r the smelliest he's smelled and should not be coming from a female. she's always miserable and arguing with my cuzins. and I am just blown away that I actually read that message the same day that I saw that text message. I also noticed that since he deactivated his *** /*** messenger pretty recently since it was basically only causing problems due to its main purpose and usage being that of reaching out and linking up with other *** I had a hunch that it would only lead to a matter of sum sneaky behavior and false empty claims to feelings he claimed to have for me but since actions speak louder than words, he obviously in fact, DID NOT really possess! It was bothering me a great deal and tho I didn't want to argue it was weighing on my mental state and so indidn bring up the whole *** messenger thing again. And just straight up told him I didn't really like that *** and he attempted to make bunk *** excuses and justify why he had logged into sum old fake account that he made a while ago and it's not even really him that is portrayed on that account. And so I kept reminding him of the facts of the matter and that then the convo sort of fizzled out and then a few mins later he attempted to try and ease my mind so to speak and he pulled up the messenger account and showed me that any of the convos with other females were dated back in 2021 and 2022 way before we were ever a thing or even hanging around each other and then I noticed a females name at the top of the list and I asked what was up with that b*tch and he clicked on it and it was another one of his ex girlfriends other than the one I mentioned in the beginning. And the account said blocked so she couldn't send him messages. He pointed that out and I said I KNOW B CUZ I AM THE ONE WHO BLOCKED HER . And I felt rage that he would try and make it seem as if he blocked the b*tch. And I snatched his phone from his hand and threw it outside and it broke and he has done this to me back when his ex girlfriend 1st moved in and he ditched me 4 her so I hooked up with SUMONE ELSE and he saw that in my phone and broke my *** even tho he ghosted me 4 another btch and told me he didn't want to b in a relationship with me. So that's completely narcissistic of him. N E ways so we got into it and I wanted to snap the *** out and take his head off but I basically yelled in his face and went into the house to continue working on a project that I was doing. I took back sum things that I bought for him and he never came inside the house at all. Tonc what's up or make any kind of effort whatsoever to make *** better. To acknowledge his wrongdoing and at least attempt to take accountability for his *** hurtful choices yet again! I feel like this is just unacceptable and I will prob never be able to understand why he would continue to make such f*cked up decisions. How and why is it that he does not c my worth. I know at least I hope that one day sooner or later he will really realize the gravity of his errors. It saddnes me b cuz I feel like we were doomed from the start and the standard of other females that he sacrificed me and our relationship or the heights our relationship could have reached is indictive of what little value I really hold in his eyes! And I really thought and believed I would have amounted to more. But that was just me wanting to believe that. I'm pretty sure that we r never gonna go anywhere in a more positive solid direction. It's not what I would have chosen and I just can't help but think and feel it in my heart that no guy will ever make my daughter know a sadness such as this. I would never want her heart or her mental state to experience disappointment and heartache and betrayal like this! Any thoughts or suggestion I'm all ears