Unproductive Arguments.
I feel like I’m sorta constantly chasing my tail when it comes to more tense discussions/disagreements with my partner. I feel as if I never get a proper apology out of him, just a sort shrugged ‘sorry’ whilst, when I mess up and hurt him, I try my hardest to apologise the best way I can.
But I feel as if his shrugged off apology’s are sorta his way of backing off from tense conversations and protecting himself as a trauma response, and in doing so, it’s honestly really hurting me. I just want to hear an actual apology from him, to hear that he’s genuinely apologetic and that he’d want to do something so he’d never do whatever it was to hurt me again.
I adore my man and I’d do anything for him, and I know he loves me… But I just feel like every time we disagree and something has to change, that I’m hitting a brick wall I can’t ever get past.
I’ve tried talking to him about it, but it never works out and I can feel him almost pulling away whenever I try. What am I supposed to do?
@ambitiousPeach2606
Not everyone responds to talking it out
Like maybe you can do something unusual like go to a place you know he really would like or do an activity you would never usually do and see if it elicits something from him
@ambitiousPeach2606
Hello. It is sad to hear how bad you may feel about the problems in communication with your partner. But I think it is good you've been so mindful and self-aware to see this as a communication issue to be addressed, neither any lack of good will, nor not loving each other enough.
How do you think some neutral observer should see the situation between the two of us? Would you agree if I noticed that your apology to your partner seems to be in the way you would like to be apologised, and he apologises you in a way that maybe could be enough for him (just "Sorry" being fine)?
What would you say about two people loving each other, but still being different in ideas how some things should be done or some feelings should be expressed?
Do you think it works when we tell our partners that we'll never ever do something hurtful to him or her again? Of course, we do our best to not harm our partners. But how would you like to put it on the continuum between unlimited trust and putting some pressure on the partner, to feel our needs are better taken care of?
How would you like to set the balance between telling your partner about your expectations towards him and, at the same, giving him some space for expressing himself in his own way?
From my experience, communicating in a relationship sometimes turns into "walk on the line" - making constant choices between not hurting my partner, who is precious for me, and not going astray into hurting myself. But I guess the whole thing called LOVE is worth it 😊 And I believe you succeed in improving the understanding between the two of you 👍
