What is the matter with me?
I’m in a companionship with benefits relationship with someone. We both have feelings for each other but the big difference at the moment is that she isn’t ready to make a full commitment nor a promise of a long term future which I am okay with, but would like to pursue something more committed if it should go that way.
The biggest struggle I have with this whole situation is that I am strongly attached and have strong feelings for her. We have had numerous discussions that I need to dial it down so that I don’t get so attached that I’ll get wrecked should we end it. Despite all this, no matter what I try to mitigate this, I simply cannot shake the feelings I have for her.
Everything I’ve heard/read online tells me that I need to let her go as she’s not attached (avoidant attachment style) and move on. She is always on my mind, I am always looking out for her well being, wanting to spend as much time with her when able. I don’t know why this is happening with her. I was married once before for over 20 years, dated two other girls before meeting her and have never felt or acted this way before. I am adult, and sane enough to think I have my head screwed on right and emotionally stable but yet here I am.
I so badly want this relationship to work out but I know in reality I’m asking for something that I can’t have.
@1in8billion,
if she didn't like you she wouldn't be in whatever relationship with you.
If she wants to take it slow and see what happens, she must have her reasons for that.
You can only give her space and respect her. The harder you push, the harder she will withdraw. Focus on other things too. If you feel tense, take a break, don't let emotions take over.
One day at the time, one step at the time, that might be all she's asking for. Sometimes people need a lot of space and time to learn to trust and dare to open up (again).
I also was in a similar situation. I asked her to be exclusive and two days later we broke up. She had a lot going on mentally and at one point she mentioned she wanted to date really bad but her therapist said she’s not ready. It was two months. She has ghosted me since because she had a really traumatic event happen that will stunt her career