Where do you draw the line?
I’ve been a a relationship with a girl for the last two months. Everything has been great so far except for the fact that she says she can’t give me the same level of time and attention as I give her. She has a lot on her plate with caring for a very sick father, her kids, her job. She’s at a point that she seems to keep pushing for me to end things with her although she keeps saying she likes what we have and would hate to lose out , it’s not to you it’s me, she doesn’t want to hurt me etc.
Even though it’s been a short time that we’ve been together, I have very strong feelings for her like I’ve never had before in my life for anyone (I’m 50+ years, was married for 20+ years). I have a pretty high standard criteria list for what I am looking for in somebody and she’s the only one I’ve met so far that meets almost all of it. Even the way we met and all the similarities and common connections suggest that fate brought us together. I know what kind of diamond the rough I have and am very scared of losing her as I am certain no one else will come close.
I’ve come to the conclusion that she has what is called disorganized attachment as things seem to be on and off in terms of where she sees us. I think I have anxious attachment. Understanding this I want to give her what she needs to be happy, but where do I draw that line in the sand between giving her what she needs and not having to beg or grovel for her affection?
I should also add that her criteria list is similar to mine and I’ve fulfilled hers as well.
@1in8billion,
first, do not analyze others. You never know what's going on in them.
Second, you say she's got a lot on her plate. Maybe that makes you feel like her last priority. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't.
Express your feelings. Give her space. Back off. If you push her you'll only push her further away up to the point she'll be gone.
I’ve given it some thought over the last few days. I think I’ve decided to pull the reigns back on a more serious relationship for now. Give her the space she needs to take care of her father. I know this sounds morbid and inappropriate, but his time is going to likely come in the next several months. Once that happens and she’s had time to grieve, I’ll see where things go from there. I will stay with her but I’ll subtly pull back and give her the time she needs.