Why does my want for physical touch turn into a need.
So I am currently getting into a relationship and i have just found that when im out of a relationship I think about cuddling ect. But it's not a need. And then once I get into a relationship and I have a partner who can provide that. It becomes almost like I need it. Like I can't be around them without wanting physical touch of some sort. Even if it's just small things. And I have a feeling this switch has something to do with expectations because i know if the clear expectations of no s*x in the first year or so is mentioned before a relationship im fine. Or the fact that when im out of a relationship I can actively work towards a relationship where I can have that physical touch. But when im in one it feels as if I can't. But then after that. Idk what I'm meant to do with that peice of information. Because I know I don't wang to pressure them into anything they aren't comfortable with by sharing this. But I also know if I don't set a expectation like "I expect to be comfortable with romantic physical touch in 2 months maximum" then I won't ever say it's the wrong relationship for me and I will end up in a relationship where I don't want to be.
@adventurousSailboat3599
Hello 😊 I am sorry, your message seems a bit chaotic, and it was a little difficult for me to understand (so many tracks going into quite opposite directions). But what I can understand is the fact that you need the physical contact, warmth, touch very much, might be afraid of it at the same time, and feel confused as a result.
So, I would share some observations - but they are strictly mine, please, do not treat them as an objective "true":
You said you NEED a physical contact (like cuddling) very much. The official psychology now claims that physical touch is not a need of the same kind as eating, drinking or sleeping - loss of them could lead us to death.
But I believe a physical touch is strongly connected with being a part of a family, group, community, society - and people who are, by lack of touch - outside the human society, they may degrade both physically and mentally, and get ill and/or die as a final result (think of analogy with wild animals, when they are isolated and left behind by their own kind).
However, being comfortable and growing with some touch from other humans might be more difficult, if anyone in your past used physical contact to control you, hurt you or abuse you.
It can be even more difficult, if you set to yourself some artificial limitations or hardly manageable goals. I am sorry, but I don't understand the phrase about "expectations of no s*x in the first year". Who has such expectations? You or someone else? How is it interconnected with your need of a physical touch?
I am not sure if I can understand your words clearly, but: Expecting no touch in a year of a relationship sounds really difficult to me. Expecting a close relationship with kisses, cuddling and no possibility for it to get any further sounds as much difficult and unsafe. How do you what kind of person you can be in a year? And your partner? How could you know how much your relationship in a year may grow and be (positively) different than in the moment it started?
I believe simple things are usually healthier to us than things which are overly complicated. Can you imagine a day when you can feel and accept your needs, and let them be fulfilled by yourself or someone close to you, someone you trust? Do you think you may have any wounds that need to be healed earlier?
