boyfriend blocked me after graduation (long story)
i genuinely don’t know where to begin but i just need support and to vent.
when i first moved to this country, i was scared, i didn’t know how to make new friends. After a year i had a boyfriend, a good group of friends and my best friend who we’ll hide under the name “tim”.
my boyfriend at the time was kind but he could be a bit misogynistic and often wanted to live a traditional life, i wasn’t happy with this so i tried to leave but failed everytime, and each time i vented to tim.
eventually me and tim grew closer and after i finally got through to my now ex bf, i was happy. tim would often comfort me when i wasn’t sure if i made the right call and we did end up dating.
to note, tim has several mental issues but i’ve always tried my best to support him through it, he’s been to therapy and was on antidepressants.
around january i had made the mistake of zoning out during a conversation so i stared into space while one of our friends had started making gross jokes about s/h and i had just laughed because everyone else was as well, this understandably *** him off and he blocked me and it was a miracle we even got back tgt at some point.
to save time on talking about the back and forth break ups and getting back tgt in feb, i’ll just skip to when we stayed friends for a while. he eventually came back to me and we stayed good best friends again, except on feb 26 we had a test and i had helped him out of habit (my other classmates often asked me for help) and so our teacher gave him a 4/5 (which didn’t matter anyway cus i begged my teacher to give him a perfect score)
he blocked me then, and didn’t talk to me for a long while, he then came back as if nothing ever happened and we became close again, with me being more cautious.
around late march he started making jokes like “we should get married so u could get ur citizenship” and eventually he told me that he had wanted to get back with me for a long while now but he was scared to hurt me.
now, since april we’ve been on good terms as partners up until june where we faced our first argument since reuniting, our final project had been stressing us out and when i caught up to him he was happy for me, until he realized i advanced him to which he then blocked me again.
the next day he shows up and acts like nothing happened and i cried to him because i was confused, and he explained that it was a spur of the moment thing and he was overwhelmed. i told him it was okay and we continued.
yesterday, we graduated with top marks in that very class and he was proud of me when i showed him, and then blocked me after the ceremony.
i’m so tired. i can’t see him anymore to resolve this since we’re now moving on to university. he explained at some point that he hadn’t been to therapy in a while and he probably has BPD and i tried so hard to be understanding of these random spurs of hatred towards me but i don’t know anymore.
@xiaofvrr Hello xiao, thank you for posting. Firstly my congratulations on your graduation! This is a fantastic achievement and an exciting time as you have university ahead of you. There are two things that stood out for me from your post. One is that within a year you were able to go from frightened and lonely to having a boyfriend and friendship group, then went on to not only support that boyfriend but get top marks. That takes inordinate determination and strength. The second thing that strikes me is how supportive you've been to someone who's shown you who he is, repeatedly. He said he was 'scared to hurt you', but that's what he has consistently done. i see an endless cycle here where he pushed you away, saw your confusion then claimed he was overwhelmed. You've said - and I do empathise with you - that you don't know anymore. I can't see that there is anything else to know. There's a clear pattern here - realistically could you see that changing? You've shown how committed and focused you are, xiao. Isn't it time to turn that focus to yourself, your own future and what you want, rather than pursue someone who's happy to let you support him but then disregards you when he no longer needs you? Wishing you all the best with your future studies, xiao.
