7 Big Mistakes Couples Make

"As a couples and sex therapist for over a decade, I've seen the same mistakes repeated many times by many couples. These mistakes, or unhelpful relational patterns, cause disconnection and harm to relationships.

The first step toward a healthier relationship is awareness. Read through the following list of mistakes. Then, start noticing when you’re doing these things. From there, you can stop doing them, and replace those unhelpful patterns with healthier options. Without awareness, there is no choice. Lessening the number of times you make any of the mistakes will make a huge difference in the overall health of your relationship. You don’t have to change everything all at once. A little effort goes a long way.

1. Blaming each other. You are always responsible for your own behavior. You always have a choice in what you do, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Blaming your partner limits the possibility for change, growth, and evolution. Both of you have a part in cocreating your dynamic. It serves you and your relationship to take ownership of and work on your part, rather than blaming the other.
2. Never saying you’re sorry. Saying you're sorry goes a long way. When you say the words "I'm sorry," you show your partner that you're taking responsibility for your actions. You're acknowledging their wounds and the role you played. Too many couples worry about who is right or wrong and get defensive, making it impossible for issues to get resolved.
3. Taking responsibility for your partner’s emotions at your expense. It makes sense that you don’t want to hurt your partner. Sometimes when you tell them how you feel or what you need, you run the risk that they will feel hurt. It’s important to learn to be OK with that. You’re not actually hurting your partner; your partner feels hurt because they’ve hurt you. That’s different, and it's appropriate. Not only will they be OK, but they’ll be motivated not to do whatever they did because they don’t want to hurt you again. It’s not your job to prevent your partner from feeling their feelings. Trust them to deal with those important feelings."

*We all make mistakes in our relationships and that's okay because we are human! What isn't okay is repeatedly making the same mistakes and not trying your best to work on them for the health and sanity of the relationship. It's important to know your flaws and to take responsibility for them too. No relationship is perfect, but it's about how you handle conflict that matters. What could you work on most with yourself and your relationship?*

#Couples #RelationshipTrouble #Relationships

For the full list of mistakes couples make, please refer to Psychology Today.

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