Advice needed
Hey!
this is the first time I’m doing this but I feel like I need to share this with someone to see their perspective and clear up my mind.
so I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year with this guy and we are currently living together. He used to control my social media, I mean, he used to look at my followers and ask me about any new people or something and I used to get mad at that because I felt like it was too much and afterwards I started thinking about his social media and started looking at the people he follows on IG and everything and all of his feed is women.. wearing bikinis or almost wearing nothing and that’s everything he looks at all day. Whenever we talk about it he says there’s football as well and he goes to the search thing and what pops up is women and a little bit of football.
I’ve told him I don’t feel confortable with this and him seeing women half naked every time he is on IG. If you see his followers 98% is women and not people he knows but women in bikinis as I’ve mentioned before.
what should I do? I feel like he doesn’t care and this is a turn off for me.
In my experience, when someone is distrustful of you without cause, it is because they are betraying your trust or planning to. A healthy relationship does not include control of the other person.
What a person chooses to follow on their IG isn’t necessarily a red flag in of itself, but ignoring and minimizing your discomfort is a red flag. Big red flag.
You know when you watch a horror movie and you just know something scary is going to jump out of the dark and grab the main character? You know it because of the signs that lead up to that moment, and you wish you could scream at the character: “How did you not see that shadow move?!” …Sometimes we see the signs, but we want to trust our partner so much, that we don’t trust ourselves when we KNOW we saw that shadow move.
Thank yoh for the advice Amie !
I actually decided to speak up again. I told him a few things we needed to change and I also told him (again) that I did not feel comfortable with this, with him following so many girls that posted pictures like that and that it was something I would need approved as it makes feel uncomfortable. You know what he said? That if I wanted him to unfollow those accounts and I was like no, I won’t tell you what to do. That is up to you. The only thing I’m telling you is I won’t accept that because it doesn’t make me feel comfortable, what you do on this matter is up to you.
you know what he did? NOTHING.
shoukd I just forget about him and move in? It’s getting so hard :(
I think you could do a whole lot better than him. Being in a committed relationship is a huge deal and it's got to respected from both sides. He is not respecting you or the relationship. You have boundaries and standards that matter to you and you must stay true to yourself. It's all too easy for people these days to be lazy in a relationship and carry online as if they are single. I hate how social media make it so easy for them to access 'others' who tickle their fancy on a 24 hour 7 day basis. There is no need to like other peoples pictures especially if they are proactive especially if they have an intention to get a response.. That to me is micro cheating. He does not care for you in the way you deserve, so ditch him and make room for the man who will.