Baby? Baby not?
My husband and I started trying for a baby. It feels right, we do have lots of ups and downs when things are good they are great. He's the best husband, however our arguments can quickly escalate taking a turn for the worst. It seems we have big blowups every couple of months. We just had a bad argument and I feel so confused. It's hard for us to stay rational in a heated argument and we do and say things we later regret. He always apologizes and is remorseful after, but I just don't know when is enough enough? Am I tolerating a toxic relationship? Should we continue fighting for our marriage? I also don't know how this should play out now that we're trying for a baby, does this mean we should now stop trying? My clock is ticking BTW so I still want to try but I don't want to be selfish and feel guilty knowing our relationship isn't 100% urgh any input helps.
@Pinkk329 Have you tried couples counseling? Sounds like communication is a big issue. Maybe you can write down what you want to express before you bring up an issue. Try to use "I statements" instead of accusing him, for example, "I feel frustrated when you listen to loud music because I feel tired and need to rest". Express how you feel but also be open to listening to his side without taking it personally. Try to take deep breaths and ground yourself if you feel your anger rising.
Hope that helps.
Communication is Def a big issue between us, we've talked about counseling but have been procrastinating. Thank you for responding!
@Pinkk329 hello, thank you for posting this & reaching out <3
what you're describing sounds like you're feeling as if as soon as you or him get remotely heated, you lose control of the situation. that's usually common in relationships where communication doesn't flow easily. communication doesn't just mean talking it's a rather complicated thing and sometimes we often ignore because we automatically begin to think "oh (this person) should know how i'm feeling because they know me really well" no. they don't. they're not mindreaders. no matter how well you know someone you will never always predict how they're feeling and this uncertainity ruins relationships.
regret doesn't hold any value if you keep repeating the same situation over and over again. you get mad because you're human, but you get over it because you love them. it's so very important to remember that by trying for a baby, you're not just responsible for yourself anymore, you're also responsible for the life you're creating. you want to make sure you're confident about this situation and your relationship before you proceed. the fact that you already have doubts about it means you're not ready. that's a sign from yourself.
however, this isn't some middle school relationship, this is your husband. this means you made vows to each other on the day of your wedding, this also means problems that can be solved (though they might require a lot of patience and effort) should be solved instead of abandoned. i don't know the extent of your relationship from a small post & i won't try to guess. but what i will say is, you know your relationship better than anyone. don't let someone tell you if it's toxic or not. not even your husband. think for yourself.
if it's something that troubles you, makes you hurt or concerns you, like the fact that you get too heated in arguments, communicate it to him. begin with "I don't like the way I get when we argue, I don't want to be hurting you and I don't want to continue on like this. I want us to resolve problems properly and make an effort to keep this relationship healthy..."
chances are, and i hope it is like this, your husband will communicate what he's feeling as well. he'll contribute to that and hopefully he'll have the same wish as you. once you've established this, either you'll be able to work through it together, or, if you're not, relationship counselling works wonders. it helps you two be connected and clears out any suspicions, misunderstadings or any assumptions brewing between you.
i hope that helped a bit <3 here's a hug 
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. We both recognize there is a problem and need help, Once we cool off we talk about it and what we should do differently but in the Heat of the moment it goes out the window. He is open to counseling, I was more hesitant because part of me felt it was too early in our relationship to already need counseling (naive of me) but it's clear we can't fix it on our own.
@Pinkk329 there we go. i'm glad both of you are on the same page. unfortunately a lot of people have a bad rep about counselling. there's no such thing as it being too early or too late in the relationship. it's not embarrassing to ask for help, think of it as an added booster to your relationship. just to clear out and help you guys grow.
keep us updated?
