“Body count” issues
My Boyfriend (of almost one year) has recently come to me and said that he does not know if he can come to terms with the number of people I have slept with. It bothers him that he is almost 7 years older than me, yet I’ve been with almost double the number of people he has. He says that our differing views on sex will lead to sexual incompatibility (even though we both enjoy the sex we’re having). Is there anything that we can do to resolve this issue or is our relationship doomed?
@Wisephoenix,
why would he has to come to terms?
We all have a past, and in a healthy relationship someone's past should not be an issue, ever.
You either accept each other for who you truly are, or not.
Maybe you can sit down with him, and invite him in a gentle, kind, loving way (as in just listen, don't judge, don't comment) and ask him how he really feels when thinking that he has to come to terms.
He might be insecure, feeling that he can't compete, or afraid to loose you as he might not be able keeping up with your expectations (my view is that negative emotions basically all come down to fear, and that a fear might be related to old issues you might not even be aware of).
sorry if I offend you now, I’m just gonna be blunt and tell you my honest opinion.
To me personally I can not take anyone serious who has a preference of body counts. It means absolutely nothing.
usually when a guy has a body count preference or only wants to date ‘pure’ girls, it’s because he’s self conscious. Or believe the stigma of women who has had multiple sexual partners. its a horrible mentality, that women has to be pure but men can be with as many as they want.
maybe I sound extremely rude now, but I honestly believe this. If it’s so big of a problem for him, that he doesn’t know if he can ‘come to terms with it’ then he’s a waste of time in my opinion. I don’t know how old you two are, but body counts should mean nothing to adults. The only time it could be a problem is if someone has a bunch of STD’s, but I don’t think that is the case 90% of the time.
And regarding the incompatibility…. I honestly don’t know what he means about that. How would it affect your sex life that you’ve been with more people than him? That you’re more experienced?
im sorry if I’m too mean to your boyfriend lol, but it just sounds childish or like an excuse to me.
Honestly, it bothers me that my boyfriend has had so many long term girlfriends before me. Girlfriends that have met his family, gone on the same family trips that I go on with him, been in the same group chats, etc. I think this is similar to how your bf feels in the sense that something about the past that we cannot change yet it affects us in the present. It may be different for him, but for me I feel this way because I don’t feel special. I feel like just another girlfriend who is dating him and doing the same things with his family. I’m sure your boyfriend feels the same that you have had sex partners to the point where sex with a person is not special or selective. It makes no sense at all, but emotions usually don’t make sense. I recommend to flood him with positivity and help him get over this insecurity. Rather than tell him his feelings are wrong, try validating him. Tell him he has absolutely every right to feel the way he does but then try and make him feel special. Some ideas are: always complimenting him on great sex, saying he is the best sex you’ve ever had, saying that you have never loved anyone as much as him, that you never dated anyone as handsome as him, etc. All of this would build up his confidence and eventually he will overcome it, I believe. Good luck!
