Breaking up with someone you still love

Hi,

This is my first time here but I guess I just need to talk about what just happened.

My ex and me broke up a while ago but he kept texting me randomly telling me hi how r u to why are you throwing us away. It was the same thing always and today he said he was finally done with me and that I made him give up on relationships and that he won't ever trust people like me. I blocked him after because I couldn't handle him making me feel worse about it all. I had to break up with him because we were fighting always and then my family was trying to put limits to me seeing him. I just kept fighting with everyone and then both my family and my ex wanted things from me and I couldn't do what they wanted so we just argued more every day. I got to the point where I'd argue with my ex every day about my family not accepting him and that I'd have to choose between them. The entire relationship at the end was so complicated I was so unhappy and guilty for not being enough. Im so mad and sad at everyone that I just keep away from people because idk what else to do.

I thought I was strong... I broke down and my family became something I wanted to avoid. My friends weren't what I thought they were and I feel uncomfortable with them, fake in a way. Also guilty because my ex wouldn't let me see my best friend because he didn't trust her, so my connection with her is gone or just idk strained now. I actually do feel alone now.

I guess I just want advice on how to deal with this all...