Cheated on - And struggling to get over it
Hi all.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
So back in Febuary I found out my partner of 11 years had been talking to someone else for a few months. Their relationship was never physical but they would talk for hours on video calls whilst I was out at work. This was during lockdown and met up twice in person.
This completely took me by surprise. I thought we were happy and an unbreakable couple.
A week or so prior to me finding out I noticed how down he had become, very quiet and he would just burst into tears. I had no idea and kept probing and that's when I found out. I was DEVISTATED. But it was clear his mental heath was bad. As much as my first instinct was to leave I couldn't leave him in that state. He went on to get help and now says he feels back to himself. That the whole thing was a bilp. He's very sorry and attentive but I still can't get it out of my head.
Everytime he adds someone new on social media, or his phone pings I get anxious. Once I see he had commented of a half naked lady online and I lost it. Why can't I be enough. I know it will take time and I don't want to give up on 10 years for something that probably woudn't have happened if the world was normal but I just want it gone. For it to have never happened and to be erased from my mind.
I mean at first it was all I could think about and now there are days when it doesn't even cross my mind. But sometimes, like today I have a bad day.
I don't know what to do. I still love him and want this to work but how/when/will this feeling go away?
Has anyone dealt with something similar?
Thank you in advanced.
Hi there. I don’t really have any advice to give, however, I have been dealing with something similar. I discovered that on multiple occasions my husband has been reaching out to women on social media and chat apps to just flirt with them. He has never met with them in person and said he never planned to, but they were always local so I’ll never know what the truth is. My husband also claimed mental health and self-confidence issues and I have tried to be understanding, but it is becoming a regular occurrence even though he apologizes and promises never to do it again each time. This has been going on for the whole 2 years of our marriage and just when I feel like I’ve gotten it out of my head for the most part, something else happens. I’m not saying this is what will happen to you, but just know it is a possibility. It has caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety and i like you get anxious whenever he gets a notification on his phone. I unfortunately think it takes a great deal of time and work to make the trauma and feeling of of betrayal go away. It’s really frustrating to think you aren’t enough and like you I am also trying to stay and make it work. Maybe you guys can try counseling? My husband refuses, but maybe yours will be a bit more open minded? Either way no matter what you decide to do you need to remember that you didn’t do anything to make him cheat. He chose that himself. You deserve better. I hope things get better for you soon <3
