Confused
I've been trying to wrap my head on what I did wrong. I just had a baby and he cheated on me. He claims it never was cheating and only admitted it was cheating because I was yelling at him and I know he said it just to stop be from arguing. I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge, im just really upset. I thought we were happy, we had a baby in 2020 and a couple months after I find out he's sexting a coworker. I'm still upset to this day. I'm always so anxious when his phone rings or when he's texting someone and he's far away. I always have it in the back of my head that he's still talking to other girls. I have looked through his phone (hate doing this, there's no trust when you have to look through your partners phone) and I have seen old messaged where he's said hi to a girl or the girl gas said hi and doesn't message him back. I'm just so tired of feeling like I want to cry everyday and not wake up sad
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like an element of trust is broken and you may also even be processing the betrayal you feel still. Take your time to process and feel and admit that to yourself fully even if it means creating some distance in the relationship for a little bit.
@pluckyWatermelon9557 i'm sorry, what the hell?
i'll try my best not to be biased here, but it's going to be very difficult. actions always speak louder than words and in this case your partner is physically yelling. sexting? really? while you guys have a child together? a child? that's his responsibility too. you do not deserve to be treated like this. i don't know what your definition of cheating is, it seems like it's quite loose given that your partner wouldn't agree to this being cheating but it most definitely is. that's not just a red flag, that's a whole parade.
you know what a red flag would be? if he was texting someone (a guy a girl, whoever) & you told him that you're not comfortable with that and he didn't stop doing it by himself afterwards, thinking "oh this is my partner, they've told me this doesn't make them feel very good and i love them, so i'll stop because their comfort comes first & i don't want to hurt them", then that's a red flag. it's by no means "controlling" because you're not forcing him to do anything. you're just letting him know that it makes you feel upset. it would be controlling if you kept pushing him to block someone etc. but i mean, you by yourself know that at that moment, if you have to force him to respect your wishes & your boundaries, he doesn't really care.
now, this was almost a year ago, i can't even imagine how you'd have felt. specially if this was your first child. you would've needed all the support from your husband you could've gotten. he should've been focused on you & his newborn child. you have every right to feel upset. anyone would be upset in a situation like that. god, i don't blame you for being wary about everything.
here's another thing, if he gets defensive instead of hearing you out when you accuse him or you confront him, that's another red flag. 9/10 times a relationship ends because communication is terrible.
you're upset every day because of this. do something about it. don't let yourself waste away like that. get up and confront him. if you want to stay with him, communicate and talk to him about how this is affecting you and demand things that you deserve from him. stop letting him slack away and flirt with other girls at his job. begin with "I feel upset every day because of ____ and i need your support right now so could you ____..." and work it out with him. if he gets defensive, that's the last red flag you need. you've been extremely lenient, you've let him off the hook for cheating on you, plainly. now isn't the time to be courteous like that. put your needs and your child's needs before him. if he refuses to co-operate and deal with it like a mature indiviual and grow, that's your cue to start planning to leave.
please keep me updated, i hope that helped <3