Confused between my boyfriend and a guy
Hello. I am facing some serious issues. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for the last 9years. But in the last 5years l am not happy with him. He also told me that he is not happy with me either. But he loves me a lot. Till now and wants to marry me despite he is not happy with me. He also knows that l am not happy with him. But being unhappy still, l am with him because l don't know if I leave him l will get someone who will love me and will care for me as he does. I feel like maybe l will regret it later if l leave him. He has a lot of options to leave me but he never left me alone. He loves me a lot. But l am not happy with him. Especially l don't have any feelings for him right now. He went abroad, last October. From that time to now l didn't feel bad that l can't see him face to face or l can't spend more time with him. I felt nothing. It was so normal for me. Even we have a communication gap after he left but l didn't feel bad for that. I was enjoying my time alone without him. And he told his parents about me in March 2021 and now his parent us pressuring him to marry me otherwise his parents will find another girl for him. That's why he is pressuring me every day to tell my family. But yet l didn't tell my family about him. There are two reasons. The first one is that l am confused with him. Because marriage is an important part of our life. And l am not happy with him for the last 5 years. So what about if l marry him l will become more unhappy and end up being divorced. And the second reason is that my family will not accept him when l tell them about him. I have to fight with my family if l want to marry him. And if l fight and get being unhappy and divorced. My boyfriend family members are angry with me cause l am delaying it and not telling my family. And then March 2021 l started to chat with a person name, Mr Rabit. We last saw each other 12 years back at a wedding. I feel good chatting with him as we have so many similarities. I spent a lot of time chatting with him. Btw my boyfriend knows my FB password. So he knew that l was chatting. Suddenly one Mr rabit told me that 1 2years back he had a huge crush on me and he had the same feelings for me right now as well. He searched for me a lot on social media but didn't find me as we don't have many mutual friends. He knew that l have a boyfriend and told me that he will stay away from me if it makes me feel happy. His main concern is my happiness. But boyfriend saw all the conversation and he didn't like that and called Mr rabbit and told him that he didn't like the way he was talking to me. Frankly speaking, l continue to chat with him knowing the fact that rabit likes me and my boyfriend does not like our conversation. But when my bf called him directly then he stopped talking with me as he thought he is creating a problem in my love for him. Rabit always mentioned he wants to see me happy so he stopped talking with me. But deep down l feel like he is kind of perfect for me as we have so many similarities and we think alike. But l am not sure whether rabit is telling me the truth or not. What if he is lying. Also he the kind of person whom my parents will like. So right now l am confused. Don't know what to do. I know my boyfriend. His feelings for me are genuine but l am not happy with him. And the other hand me rabit whom l think is kind of perfect for me but don't know he is telling me the truth or not. Can you guys help me?
I'll tell you a bit about my lifes experience maybe it can help you idk. I got married at 20 to a real nice guy, but after many decades I realize now that I was running away from my abusive home life and my spouse was my quick ticket out of he**. So I had kids right away cuz that's what's expected and I spent my life trying to raise them with the love and care I never got. I worked along with all this too. My spouse is very nice, loves me all that....but I didn't love myself. I realized in therapy that I can't love anyone If I don't love myself which I did not because I was so abused in every way as a kid .. I viewed myself as dirt and I put everything and everyone else first. I wasted alot of my life . So now I am aware of my self, life, and issues. I am putting my self, my needs and what's best for me First. I left a really toxic job and started asking my spouse for what I wanted, needed for the first time in our relationship of many years. My spouse loves me and wants me to be happy. So I'm a work in progress at a late stage but if I had just put myself and my needs first right away at 20 I'd be in a better happier place. I guess my point is put yourself first and love yourself first and hopefully the rest will work itself out. Only you know what you want/ need in your life no one else can do that for you. I allowed others opinions to make my decisions about what was going to make me happy.. huge mistake for sure! .....I'm doing that differently now, making choices for myself without outside influence. Best of luck,. 💜 ABB
Thank you so much for your response. Indeed, l never put my happiness first. Always thought about what society will think about me. But my life experience says l always end up with the wrong decision. And l don't want to make another bad decision in this important stage of my life. That's why I am really confused
Take your time, write about it in a journal ...weigh the pros and cons of your decisions. Make a list of what's important to you, don't rush it. Tune out the pushy ppl in your life. Remember your #1 in your life and you get to decide how it goes....💜 ABB
Thanks ❤️❤️