Dealing with Narcissism
Hello everyone. I’m not sure if any of you have ever experienced a narcissistic relationship or not, but I have been for nearly 20 years. Lately, I’ve just started losing any hope of ever getting away or ever being in a healthy, loving relationship. For the past twenty years, I experience gaslighting daily, blamed for everything that’s wrong in life and nothing that is good, lied about, talked about, called every vile name in the book, disrespected, forgotten about, always made to feel less than, never shown sympathy, never taken care of, never treated as an equal, cheated on, lied to, manipulated, embarrassed, hit, made to feel like I am crazy, and even asked for me to take the fall for their bad actions. I have no friends or family left. I’m in a completely new place that is 3 hours from home. I feel like all this only exists in my head. I bring it up and have learned to stand up for myself but it’s never received. No one around us is aware of it. It just feels so lonely and isolating.
The first question that pops into people’s mind is why don’t you leave? I would and I’ve tried. We have 5 children together which I cannot afford to care for on my own. I will not leave them behind. I tried to get jobs, but he’s literally called there and told them lies about me so I never end up getting it. He threatens to use the kids against me and will lie through his teeth in court to get custody, even though he doesn’t want it, just to hurt me. He will definitely make my life a living hell but how is that worse than it already is I guess.
All I want is to find a way back to happiness. I tired of being sad, crying, feeling badly about myself, and being unloved.
Has or does anyone else experience this? Has anyone gotten out? Does anyone know how to get out? I’m losing hope fast and hating myself more and more. I need to do something, I just don’t know what.
Im currently in the same situation idk how to walk away from him. I have done took out a restraining order he done did a month in jail for violating twice. Went to court last friday & he was already back at my door 2 days later after the judge signed a year long order begging to come bck. I dont understand y i myself find it so hard to block him completely out of my life. He literally tries to blame me for every wrong in his life. But mind u my family hates him because of the physical and verbal abuse. But if there are anyways to help with the completely walking away i would love to also know. I have only been off and on with him for 2 years i could not imagine almost 20 years. A year in and i was almost 60 pounds down from stress and anxiety. We lost a child in october 2021 at 25 weeks his words were "what did u do". I myself have begged god to let me let him go & for him to let me go & for some reason idk how. As much mental/ physical abuse i have took over the past 2 years to where even now i look in the mirror and i barely recongize myself anymore.