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Dealing with an aggressive partner while in crisis

User Profile: powerfulPlane5492
powerfulPlane5492 December 10th, 2021

I am bipolar 2 my spouse is fully aware, we have extensively spoken about my triggers but tonight he completely ignored them and it caused a manic episode I did all my steps, he was told by his group to not in engage due to his anger. Which is one of my triggers. He kept coming at me over and over. He kept yelling while peppering in how I make him act this way. Telling me I am causing our family to go through hell, am ruining Christmas for our daughter, to get the hell out, then saying I could not leave, telling me if I left I would be showing my daughter I did not love her. I only wanted to get away for a walk because he could not control his anger and yelling. Which I wanted to stop because our child could hear. I kept my voice low and calm as taught through my treatment but that seemed to make him yell more and build in rage. I used our safe word so many times which should have engaged him to walk away and allow us both to calm down to which he ignored each time. Told me I was selfish to make him go through this. I calmly told him the answers he wanted would not be able to happen at this time we need to take time apart. He then would tell me it was my fault and it would end if I just stopped, that I was being a bitch. This was my fault. I said I was sorry and he moments later would say I didn’t, and when I would be able to get him to admit I did he would say it was not good enough or I didn’t mean it. He told me that my daughter was scared of me, but he was the only one yelling. He would not stop. The only way he stopped was telling me I could not do this to our daughter at Christmas, that I had to admit I was wrong and say sorry to him and my daughter. I was fine saying sorry to my daughter I hated she had to hear him call me that and blame me completely. I was just so defeated by him, we had plans in place to help stop my manic from elevating that he ignored completely from the start. I am so depressed and he sent my daughter in to hug me after he moments before said he would not bother me so I could collect myself. I was thinking why would a father send her in to see her mother he left moments ago broken emotionally on the floor to see her mother that way. I put my best face on, and hugged her to then have him come in smiling wide saying how we don’t give up on each other. I was so hurt. I mean the timing felt cruel. I feel like shit. I will wash my face and smile for my daughter, I just hate that inside I am so wounded by him and have to push it away. I am depressed. He kept saying that once I was done “being bipolar” he would be waiting for my apology while saying it always comes. You know you are wrong. I just feel so defeated. Prayer please

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User Profile: Cain96
Cain96 December 10th, 2021

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't know what it's like being bipolar at all, but your spouse sounds manipulative. I guess I don't know the context behind why he was blowing up on you like that, but I highly doubt everything is your fault. And to send in your daughter right after that... Even after my parents had their worst fight, my father had enough sense to say, "You should probably give your mom some space." I still wanted to be there for her. I assume your daughter does too. It's not right what your spouse did, but your daughter probably knows that too. I hope you find some peace over the holidays. It sounds like you deserve it.

Best wishes, Cain