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Family living in different states

User Profile: MrsAstrophile
MrsAstrophile November 26th, 2021

FYI. Long thread. My in laws are living in a different state, they are both in their 70s and are still managing a business. I have two kids, one is already 11 years old - boy (from my first boyfriend) but now my husband (we've been together for 3 years) and I have a 1-year-old boy. I've met my husband at work but ever since I became pregnant, I decided to resign and be a full-time mom to my two kids. My mother-in-law was recently brought in to a hospital and she was diagnosed with a weak heart and has started to lose weight and eat less than what was ideal. My husband's relatives (his cousins, aunts, uncles) are politely but frequently telling us that we need to pack our things, telling him to quit his job and go live with his mother and father and take over the business, also, so that we can help around and spend time with them. I understand where they're coming from, both my in-laws are already old and we'll just never know what'll happen in the future. The thing is, given the current pandemic situation, it's hard to move from one place to another. I keep on thinking about my eldest son, no one from his father's side are in touch and only my relatives are the closest one's he has, I don't want to separate him from them, he has also grown up with kids from our block, they've been friends ever since they were 5 years old, exploring things, going to school together. I also do not like the idea of living with my in-laws, don't get me wrong, they are the best, so kind and loving but the thing is, I'm just not comfortable with the thought of not having our own house or space. The arrangements that I had in mind are the ff: 1. My husband and youngest child will move in with my in-laws while I stay with my eldest. 2. Since he will be taking over his family's business and I will go back to working, he will take care of our youngest son's needs while I take care of our eldest. We will not give each other financial support, unless it's for an emergency. 3. I will visit them during my days off. I wasn't clearly expecting this to happen, but I clearly can't be in two places at the same time. I don't want to be separated with my husband and youngest child but I can't just drag my eldest away from my relatives and his friends. Any advice, please? Thank you.

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User Profile: LavenderFriend6
LavenderFriend6 December 1st, 2021

I don't know if any of this is possible but just want to offer additional things to think about. I also know you said some of this was not ideal, but hear me out with an open heart. You get to make the decision.


Can you move into another home near your inlaws? That way you can have your own space. How much time does your eldest spend with your relatives? If its not everyday, can you work out ways to sneak in video chats or a long weekend during the month? Figure out ways to communicate from a distance. Maybe research some creative ways to do that to make it fun.


I dont think its wise to sperate your immediate family to deal with other situations. It would be stressful for both caregivers and the kids...everyone needs support and love from multiple people. Does your husband want to take over the family business? Is it a good career move for the future, or is it financially reliable?


Just some ideas, sorry if they aren't ideal. Hopefully you can find a happy medium to make things work.