HELPPP

Been there. First of all, loving/crushing hard is pretty much par for the course during those years (is "My So-called Life" still streaming on Hulu?). More to the point, though: are you having intrusive thoughts? I struggled with undiagnoses anxiety throughout my teen years, and it definitely manifested in how I thought about my crushes (constantly). This is because my crushes weren't just crushes, they were fantasies of escape. I don't want to presume too much about your situation, but it can't hurt to go out with friends and nurture other relationships in your life. We all need social support; but no one person can be all the support we need.

Hi @460g,

Being in love as a teenager is an exciting experience! These feelings of love are new to every teenager, so it is perfectly okay to feel the way you do. However, I know everyone is different with how much they want to express love, or receive love. It sounds like you're concerned that you might be too overbearing with the boy you like. It's great that you already recognize that he might have boundaries, and that you want to respect those limits. Since you made this important first step in understanding that people need space, it looks like you just want advice on how to stop getting attached too intensely.

1) Try to reflect on why you feel like you love too hard
It can be difficult to navigate this as a teenager, but this can help reduce some of your worries about how you express your love to someone. Did someone in the past tell you that you were too obsessive? Did someone hurt you in the past, and you needed to experience more love and care? Whatever answer you have to those questions, understanding where these feelings come from is really important to reducing these intense feelings.

2) Recognize that everyone, even the boy you like, has flaws
This is just a part of being human! Figuring out whether or not a relationship is worth it takes some practice in understanding your own values. I say this because I know it can be really disappointing if you love someone really hard, and they end up hurting your feelings or they just aren't compatible with you. Going into a relationship with an understanding that you might be disappointed is a healthier approach than only thinking about a perfect fantasy version of him.

3) Communicate
If you are at a point where you are comfortable with being honest about your emotions, it can be really great to talk about your feelings! This seems really scary, but you might be surprised with how well people respond to honesty when talking about love or friendship. It might help to just ask if you are crossing any boundaries with him, and see where that conversation goes. But if you are not at this point yet, it could be a little overwhelming to talk about this sort of thing, so don't worry about this yet until you're comfortable.

4) Establish self-love
Everyone needs to show forgiveness to themselves from time to time! There are many different ways to practice self-love, like recognizing your emotions, cutting out negative thoughts about yourself, or even having a healthy diet. This can help you feel less dependent on other people as sources for love and care. Not only can this help reduce anxieties about yourself (with being too obsessive, for example), but it might also help you form more realistic expectations of love that aren't so intense.

I hope these points make sense. Good luck!