Help[long]

You walk into a movie theatre. You buy some popcorn and a coke and sit down in the dimly lit room with a few other movie-goers. The movie is a gritty dark and harrowing love story, filled with emotion, some light hearted moments, but more often tragic and painfully chaotic, yet always honest. The lead actress in it has some impulsive tendencies. She is filled with feelings, and so often doesn't care to control them at all. When she feels angry her rage is quite intense. The walls shake with her fury. Shopping is her first love. When she is at a mall, she is in her element. Again, her feelings are her guide. Her impulses are always indulged here, and more often than not she leaves with an empty bank account, but she consoles herself saying "Everything I needed and wanted is in my hands right now anyway ~ ! And next month more money will come; but this cute dress and matching heels was on sale/had to happen right now!" Spending her money makes her feel some sense of control. At least it has predictable outcomes. This, in exchange for that. Currency was certainty, about the only certainty she knew lately. Chanel handbags never woke up one morning and told her they don't love her anymore. There was trust in material things. You watch this emotional tornado of a girl and can't help but laugh and relate to her - because in all her flaws, she is so genuine, and loveable, and dramatic but authentic somehow. You see that she is so responsible for so much of her own chaos, but you also see she is sort of trying, but just doesn't have the discipline, or hasn't found the right motivation to quite get her sh*t in order. But also, most importantly, there are reasons why she had all these trust issues. And it's hard to get your life under control, but easy to swipe that credit card.

Then there is the male lead in the movie. He's handsome, and also had an intensity about him that vaguely mirrored hers only in a different way. They met at work, and for some people, it is said that working together while being together is a disaster for intimacy ~ ! But at the start, for these two, it was opportunity. He was charismatic, and charming and funny. He was crude at times, but she found she didn't mind it. Kind of liked it even. He was wonderful, and their chemistry was wild. Not so long after, they shared an apartment, 2 cars, even a cat. From the outside they were a picture perfect couple. But 4 years later, they still weren't married. You sit there and think - Still no ring on it? What's the problem ~ ? Well you soon find out as the movie progresses, there's problems aplenty. Her spending impulses, that he thought she would grow out of, that she would eventually learn responsibility if they lived together and had mutual financial interests, his expectations were disappointed each time. The middle of the movie, seems to be about them fighting constantly. And he becomes so vicious in places, so spiteful that your heart begins to race to see it - to see how he infantalizes her sometimes, treating her like an irresponsible child, a financial liability. The way he calls her the most atrocious names, and says the most vindictive things designed to wound and degrade. It crosses your mind that this man does not even respect her in the least, not any more, not the way he used to. This is all confirmed in the climax where she walks in on him in the shower saying god knows what to god knows who via chat while getting off to porn. Is that cheating? Is he cheating? She naturally goes into one of her characteristic rages, but this time you don't blame her at all. Him telling her that he was doing that with her in the next room because "He just didn't want to f*ck her" just destroyed you. It hits all the raw abandonment and trust issue nerves in you and your heart breaks for her in that moment. You sit there quietly weeping in your cinema seat, hoping no one is seeing you having a mini-breakdown. Some time later you reflect on this exact scene. Something about it plays out in your head over and over. You think "That needed to happen. She needed to see his true colours...". The more you thought about it, the more you saw the nature of his character. He was beautiful in places, attractive, kind of responsible, not as chaotic as her. But at the same time, he weaponized their relationship when he was angry, withholding affection when they fight, withdrawing from her and worse he went out of his way to blame her - she was the reason they weren't married, she was the reason he was watching porn, she was the one that needed to get her life together. He perceived his love, and marriage as a kind of reward, a project that needed certain criteria to be met. This, in exchange for that. That was how he exerted control in his life. And more and more he did not think she was a "deserving" candidate.

Take a deep breath. That is all so much to process. So much raw emotion, and anger, and sadness, and disappointment, and resentment, and betrayal. All of that in a person's mind, pulling every which way, every emotion vying for primacy, roiling inside yourself, particularly for someone who more often than not is inclined to entertain their feelings - all of that is not good for decision making. SO ... still yourself. Slow your breathing down. Take a few minutes to empty your mind.

Now - imagine - You are the director of the movie. You have exclusive executive decision making in this role. Whatever you write will come to be.. What happens next? How does the woman develop from these events? What does she learn? Who does she become? What will she do? Does she become a broken mess living alone with her 12 cats? Retail therapy ? Does she quit her job? Does she call her close friends and let out all this poison that is building up inside her in a torrent of tears, frustration, colourful language, lots of wine and honesty? Does she try to fix all of this? Does part of her think there is something salvageable in all of this? Does she still love him in spite of all his flaws ? Does she still want something with him, that they both can work on going forward? Do they see a relationship counsellor? Is there forgiveness in the script? Does she take some time to herself to process everything that is happening?

You are the director. You are in control. Now more than ever, that is important. Whatever you write, will come to be. Let your vision be empowered. That girl, she deserves a remarkable love story. be sure to write one ~ !

Wishing you all the best,
CatzInTheCradle