He was so nice and now..
- started school in august
- start talking to a boy in my class
- he tells me he really likes me & I tell him I feel the same but with my religion it won’t work (plus he is atheist)
- we continue liking each other but know it won’t work although he wants to try
- he then tells me we should move on & how he wants to set me up with his best friend??? who is my religion
- he clearly still cares and likes me & told me in front of his friends he “loved me”
- has started becoming more rude: he loves pointing out things I do wrong, correcting me, calling me out, gets mad if I don’t respond soon
- I saw him two weekends ago out of nowhere (he appeared at the school out of nowhere, said he saw my car in the parking lot and pulled up beside me as I was walking to my car) - went to his place we cuddled then he told me I am privileged/have no self awareness and I left crying
- he didn’t reach out for five days, then gave me a backwards apology
- Monday of this week he tells me we need to set up friend boundaries because he is getting serious with some girl??
- he calls me after he tells me about the girl (is it to get a reaction?) I ignore the call, ignore his text, ignore his call the next day, then he yells at me saying I’m a bad friend for not responding and how everyone is against him blah blah and made it about him
- he went off on me, he has been so rude the past few weeks — he also suffers from severe severe depression
what should I do? Does he even care about me? Why does he want to see me with his best friend so badly? Why does he call me his “friend” in every other paragraph he sends me?
@mangoicecream26 It sounds like he really liked you and maybe is struggling a lot with still having feelings for you and feeling rejected. Do you want to stick to only dating in your religion or do you want to give him a chance? If it's still no, then maybe you should give him some space and try to regroup to keep the friendship if that's what you want, but he may need some time to move on emotionally.
I agree, I think he really did like me because that’s what his best friend told me; however, he has been the one to keep saying we need to move on / keeps pushing me to meet his best friend who is also Muslim, and I have 0 desire to meet his best friend because I think the dynamic is just so odd
as of Monday, he is “seeing someone” but I find that so toxic considering I went over to his place two Saturday’s ago and we were cuddling
but then again, several weeks ago he told me via text he is “100% over me”
I think he is definitely toxic
@mangoicecream26 Did you consider the cuddling platonic? It sounds like that's maybe not a good idea if he has feelings for you still; you may be sending him mixed signals that you are still hoping for a relationship. If you turned him down, then being supportive of him dating someone else and being really clear that you plan on staying just friends is probably best and both need some time to regroup to keep the friendship long-term. I think he is calling you friend a lot and trying to set you up with someone else because he's upset and trying to move on.
Oh, you are making excellent points! For me it was platonic but ever time we cuddle he tries to kiss me — I think you’re right, maybe he does keep calling me his friend so that he can move on
he did call me last night and yell at me:
- he told me he was going to call me
- he starts accusing me of not checking in on him the past few days and he was so upset because I was posting on my story today about me having fun and not asking how his mental health was
- I go off and tell him how disrespectful he was to me on Wednesday and he didn’t seem to care about how I felt and everything
- he starts crying and says he thinks everyone is against him and how he has been having a terrible week and he has been losing all his friends …. and he was accusing me and I was telling him how I treat him so good and he needs to realize that
- he told me I haven’t been there for him as a friend….. and I told him I have always been there but am very upset about Wednesday
- then he told me how the girl he was seeing basically told him yesterday they were done
- he was crying and crying and told me the last time he cried in front of someone was in august to his ex best friend Garret and how he has only cried in front of like three people
- then he was telling me how his family and him don’t get along
- he told me I could come over and work on my paper for school and could sleep on the couch and use his wifi since mine wasn’t working
- then he played guitar for me…..
Thats doesn't sound good, even for a friend, you should dump him, he sounds a really bad person, i know that you feel bad for him because he have depression, but, if is being rude to you, you should leave. But, if you do that, you should tell him all the things he did to you, be honest, to him correct his actions.
Yes you’re right, he is not treating me well — do you think it’s also strange that in nearly every message he sends me he calls me his friend? He keeps using that word …
here is my message I drafted:
You have hurt me, tremendously. When I used to talk to that guy I told you about, he hurt me to the point where I didn’t think I would ever talk to another guy again. He was emotionally abusive to me.
But I did, I have talked to guys since then. I’ve talked to you, I’ve gotten to know you. I’ve seen how caring and gentle you are with me, but I’ve also seen how harsh and hurtful you have been toward me.
When I’ve talked to my closest friends about you, they can’t understand why I continue to keep you in my life. They look at texts and see how disrespectful you are toward me. How you treat me like I’m a child. They tell me that you don’t respect me, because if you did, you wouldn’t tell me “you have one hour to respond or else we’re done” or go off on me, when you know very very well that I would never do that to you. I must really mean that little to you if you can say that & me not responding within an hour is means for the end.
I have done so much for you. I am almost always there for you, I try and help you, I try to comfort you, and I listen to you.
But the effort I give, do I get that in return from you?
I understand that your mental health isn’t in the best place. But projecting on me. Using me as a backboard, it’s just not okay. I feel like a backboard to you. I feel like someone who is just supposed to take it and continue taking it.
I told you my mental health is not doing well, and you put it back on yourself. Rather than ask me, “how can I help” or “do you need anything” like I always do for you, you put it back on yourself. It’s like you were indifferent. But if the tables were flipped, I would have asked you if you needed anything/how I could help.
You keep saying you’re my “friend” but does that mean to you that I’m only your “friend” on your terms? You keep bringing up your friend for me, and I am going to be completely honest, I am not interested in meeting your friend. I’m sure he’s a great guy, but I’m just not interested.
I need to focus on myself. When the time is right for me, I will find someone on my own terms or maybe some guy will find me. Maybe he will be older. Maybe not, but for now, I need to do what’s best for me.
You have been so unnecessarily mean to me this entire month, and I am at my breaking point. The number of times I have spent crying because of how you have made me feel. I can’t.
What did I do to you to deserve this kind of treatment? This hostility? This lack of respect? This relationship where I am supposed to just always be the one to apologize and be there no matter what when clearly that’s not fair if you’re not doing the same for me? I know how sensitive you are, and I make sure to talk to you in a gentle manner (most) of the time. Yet you know how sensitive I am and still like to talk to me in such an abrasive tone. In such a belittling way.
I have been so good to you. I am just so sad now about all of this. I don’t even think you care about how I feel, or how I’m feeling.
But maybe now you know. I’m taking a step back because I feel like I can’t breathe. You have hurt me repeatedly and, I feel myself breaking again, and I need space. I can’t succumb to this sadness again.
I truly do hope you realize how good I have been to you, and I hope you can see that.
But now I need space & if you care about me, you will give me that.
