Husband w/ depression
I'm recently married, 4 months in, and my husband is suffering depression in addition to ADHD medication withdrawals and a back injury that will take 6 months to heal, resulting in financial strain as well.
I was able to be supportive and patient and compassionate the first month but now I feel broken, emotional, and resentful and I don't know what to do because it's only the beginning and I don't know how much longer I can stay in this environment without wanting to run back home to my family.
@Jas2020,
thanks for sharing, that takes courage and means you are showing care.
Dealing with depression is not easy. I have been pretty severely depressed, and it did serious damage.
Everybody responds in a different way. What did NOT help for we was trying to help using phrases like "you have a great yard, a nice house, and a wife who loves you very much". I did not want to hear about "great" and "nice" and "very much".
I am in a deep dark hole, tortured every day over and over, and you come with "happy stuff"? I would lash out.
Another thing that did not help me was that my wife tried and tried to help, but not the kind of help that might have helped (I am not blaming her).
I guess the biggest challenge for you is to NOT take ANYTHING that feels like it is directed to you personally. And, in case you take remarks and words literally when you depressed one lashes out, like my wife, DON'T. Don't take them personally.
Do not get "sucked in", sooner or later you will lose yourself and risk becoming depressed yourself. Take care of yourself, FIRST. If you feel claimed, put up boundaries and make it clear that you will not fall for pressure and that your space and right to "alone time" should be respected.
Not easy, it requires mental strength, on the other hand I would say that it is easier then you might think. Persist, and stick your grounds. Compassion is great, but it all starts with self-compassion.
You might want to find professional help fort your husband, and help for you if you are having difficulties dealing with the situation. Look online for any organizations in the region you are living in.
Few sites you can find:
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-help-a-depressed-friend
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
And personally I like this site:
Warmth and love to both of you.
