I don't know what to do

hello everyone

I've had this bf since we were in high school. We were really close and would actually do most thing together but ever since the Pandemic happened, we saw each other less and less since my side of the family does not really support our relationship. I had to lie everytime in order to leave the house and see him. Pandemic in the Philippines is hard which is why it got harder to go out and ask for permission or give an alibi.

He got mad at me and I got mad at him, we didn't talk much for 2 months because of our prides and since we're college students, we were really busy. I've tried to visit him but he told me not to because he was busy and he got mad about that. Yesterday, he broke up with me. I really really love him and I don't know what to do. I've been begging since yesterday and he's been replying sarcastically to me. What do I do to make it up to him?

***trigger warning*****

*** I've been c*tting and I just want to d*e for the sake of not feeling all this burden and stress. pls help me. I don't want this. ****