I feel alone
I don't know if anyone else is gone through this. Its my first time posting here but I've been with my bf for almost 4 years. Hes amazing, sweetest and most lovinb partner I could ever ask. But he has a temper (not where he hurts me) but if we ever do argue he gets extremely upset and will at times shout or scream and use a lot of hurtful words or past actions I've done and use against me. It reminds me of when my dad would verbally abuse me and I always end up crying and shutting down. He tries to apologize or just say to drop it and act like nothing happened but it hurts. It honestly hurts that I have to let it go and I almost die inside each time to where I try to avoid anything that will tigger him.
Sorry to add to this i don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much but I can't help but feel like I can't fully talk to him without worry about triggering him. An example would be I used to be a very affectionate person to our friends (male or female) in a platonic way. (Hugs, head scratches, going out to eat) but if ever its a guy he will get angry and blame me for letting them for getting to affectionate (nothing sexual but if let's say I was scratching there head or was to close.) But people do that with him and i don't care cause I trust him and our friends and there is nothing wrong with platonic love. Any Incident that triggered this was we were at a friend sleepover and all got drunk and we were all laying on the ground together in a room when I was cuddling him and another guy was cuddling him. Another guy friend happened to use my butt was a back support. He was just leaning on it and when I told him he cussed me out as if I was letting this guy do dirty things but it wasn't even that. He was right there. So I guess is this a normal reaction to have
Oh honey, I know you love him but regardless of what that man says he doesn’t love you. At least not in the way you think. If he’s not willing to change his behavior then I would fully consider dropping him. I understand completely how terrifying that thought is but hun that’s not the behavior of a man who loves you. If he loved you he would never do anything to hurt you, physically or emotionally. Sounds to me like he has issues of his own to work out. By staying with him you’re encouraging that bad behavior. But like I said when you’ve known someone for so long the idea of loosing that comfort can be terrifying but think how freeing it will be on your conscious once he’s gone. This is just some advice and it’s up to you to decide what you want out of life. You know what’s best for you. Not some stranger, best of luck!