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Inappropriate touching

User Profile: decisiveChestnut901
decisiveChestnut901 May 25th, 2021

I found out from my girlfriend that my younger brother snuck into her room and touched her butt and breast while she was sleeping. I was completely supportive and told my girlfriend that I would talk to him about it. Upon asking him what happened, he lied and said he didn't do it. Even though I believed my girlfriend, I wanted to trust my brother's responses. I don't know why, I felt the need to report back to my girlfriend and tell her that he denied it ever happening. She immediately had the feeling that I was only talking to my brother for her and I did not believe her. Later, we both decided to ask him again but this time make sure he tells the truth, which he did after prodding. He said he knows what he did was wrong and he will not do it again and he apologized. I know that my brother apologizing is not going to make my girlfriend forget the trauma she went through. After our discussion with my brother, I spoke to my girlfriend and she said she does not trust me anymore. I understand where she is coming from, but I honestly did not know how to handle this situation and clearly did a messy job of it. She says that she still loves me and that she understands why I believed my brother when he told me he didn't do it (I was in denial). But I can't help but think our relationship has been ruined because of this. It took really long to cultivate this relationship and gain her trust but this incident and the things that followed, sets it back years. I don't know how I can fix this. Please help.

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User Profile: kindcherry2
kindcherry2 May 25th, 2021

@decisiveChestnut901

I understand how hard that is. And how that can leave a person traumatize. You believed that your family won't lie but that's a lie. They don't want you to blame them. Even though it was their fault and they know it. I would understand why she would lose her trust because of that. She tolds you she understand why you didn't believe her and was in denial. I'm glad your brother told you the truth because it can be a hard thing to say. But this is still not okay. She didn't consent to it. So there for it is wrong. And I know how long it takes to build a relationship but something like this happening can definely affect it. I hope you feel better and both of you know that you're not alone. And that we are here for you. heartsmiley

5 replies
User Profile: decisiveChestnut901
decisiveChestnut901 OP May 25th, 2021

Thank you for the kind words @kindcherry2. I also wanted to mention, after the talk with my brother, he went back to normal and started cracking jokes and showed no regret or guilt about his actions. This is making me feel upset and makes me not want to interact with him. My girlfriend has already stopped talking to him so that he faces some form of consequence. I feel like my brother needs some help through some form of therapy but my parents are not that open-minded about it. Is there another way I can convince them to send him for therapy?

4 replies
User Profile: kindcherry2
kindcherry2 May 26th, 2021

@decisiveChestnut901

I don't really know sorry. I mean some people do therapy online But yea he probably needs some therapy after doing that.

User Profile: dukeofdearham
dukeofdearham May 26th, 2021

Hi @decisiveChestnut901,

how about seeing things in perspective?

What your brother did was inappropiate. He apologized.

Leave it at that.

2 replies
User Profile: decisiveChestnut901
decisiveChestnut901 OP May 26th, 2021

Hi dukeofdearham, I would've done that if he hadn't said that he wanted to do it someone else but didn't because he didn't have a chance to. This is what has me worried.

1 reply
User Profile: dukeofdearham
dukeofdearham May 26th, 2021

@decisiveChestnut901,

I don't understand your response. Are yiou saying that your brother told you he wanted to touch someone, whomever that someone might be? How old is he?

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