I'm with this guy for a year now. We met in a gay app and he visited me here where i live for twice now. Now my problem is i always saw him still in this gay app (coz i spy on him) and he said he is just thereto communicate with his friends who doesn't have other means of contact. But i saw his headline, as if looking for hookups. We fought over this coz he said i don't trust him. What should i do about this?
@Third1186
Communication and trust are the musical keys to all relationships. Communicate with your partner, tell him about your uneasiness about being on the app, ask him to establish a new way of talking to his friend that isn't on the app (there are plenty of ways, such as skype or line messaging). I think in this situation, that your partners actions do lead to some distrust, but you two have to work on getting rid of it to make the relationship healthy.
@CalmingSunshine08
Thanks. Actually, i asked him to delete his apps but he doesn't want it coz for me, it is a way to be tempted. One time, i saw him in another gay app that he told me he already deleted it. He became furious at me and took it against me saying why am i there and he denied that it was his account. I love him but i can't take it that he might be cheating on me on that gay app.
@Third1186
If you asked him to delete his previous apps, then that's a problem as it shows that he ignores your concerns. I would say talk to him again and if he doesn't want to delete the app then, talk to him again and give him an ultimatum if he refuses still. It's better to be in a relationship were your partner acttually listens to your concerns than a partener who doesn't.
@Third1186
I understand you're very upset about this whole thing, and you have every right to. It is wrong that he is still looking for hookups on the app (or it at least says that), which is something you should talk about. You could even make the conversation about whether or not you want an exclusive relationship, and go from there. While I totally see your side on not wanting him to have the apps, it is a form of communication. The main issue seems to be that it sounds like he's looking for a hookup. If he put it down that he was taken or not looking for anything, it would be a bit of a different conversation.
Long distance can definitely be hard because you don't get to see each other all the time, and a lot of times you just have to trust them and take their word that they're doing what they say they are because you can't really monitor them constantly. And even if you could, it wouldn't be good for either one of you. Like others have mentioned, trust and communication is important in a relationship. While I get that you are worried due to the nature of his accounts, I think it's also important that you can trust him and let him know you believe him. I know it's hard and you're scared, but what's a relationship without trust? There's nothing wrong with having another conversation about it, but you want to make sure you're both okay with it and it's okay for you both as a couple. Just try your best to keep it working. Long distance is tough but definitely can be worth it.
@freefromworries
We have talked about it before, that we are exclusive. He is the one who also said he is not comfortable in sharing me, neither do i. As asian, we are more of committed to only one. He is always defensive everytime i open up this topic saying i don't have trust on him. I want peace of mind and i only want a relationship where both of us are happy with each other. I sometimes feel like i am a failure coz the blame is always on me. I don't wanna let him go coz i love him but i dont want him lying to me too. I don't know what to do.
Just confirmed that he is looking for a hook up on that app. I had my friend tried to send him invitation of hooking up. He replied he is "definitely" interested. I was so hurt and i don't know what to do. I still didn't say anything to him and act as if i don't know anything. He is already coming over here next month and i dont know what to do. Suggestions please?
@Third1186
Confront him about it. It seems that he doesn't really care nor seem interested in this relationship. Don't put more time or effort into a relationship where your partner is refusing to agree to terms already set out. You can find someone who will respect you for you.
@Third1186
hey, how are you mate? what is it about?