LDR: issues with family and effort

Me and my Partner have been in a LDR coming up 3 years we met at university and that has always been the brief period within the year in which we get to spend time together, as with us living at almost complete opposites of the country traveling to see eachother often becomes difficult and very expensive.

However now we've graduated and gone back home it's become harden than ever and it's also become very clear, that concerns I had a while ago that I thought would pass, have not.

To sum it up I do not get on well with her parents due to views on parenting and comments they have made in the past, but have put on a smile and got on with it for her. However due to her parents being so controling of her, she has never seemed to put the same effort into my family which has made my family feel like she wants nothing to do with them and that they don't know her at all and her family feel like they can talk about me and my family in any way they want, because she doesn't defend me or my family.

I've been to visit her family over holidays, birthdays and even taken time out of our plans together to spend time with them but in total she's has visited my family twice. Covid has obviously played a part in not visiting eachother as much but we've been in a relationship for 3 years now.

I'm really struggling with what to do, my family mean everything to me but so does she. All I want is everyone to get along but it's not possible when she isn't confident enough to stand up to her parents for once.

I've made so many excuses for her and understand that she has very strict parents but now more than ever it just feels like she never will have any intention of putting in the same effort I do.

She's not a villain in this and I understand that a lot of this comes from anxieties with her parents opinions but I don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry this was very long and sorry if it's in the wrong place this is my first time using the app.

:)