LOVE X RELATIONSHIP.
I begin this article by questioning the relationship between love and relationship.
Proposing a reflection and a self-perception to someone who is suffering for love.
To talk about love and relationship, we must speak of self-esteem and it is necessary to understand that the Human Being develops and evolves according to the relationships he establishes with the world, with others and - mainly - with the relationship he establishes with himself. It is this relationship that will make us understand that this first object of love, so that any relationship can work, it MUST be your love with yourself.
If you suffer from your relationship, you most likely suffer from your self-esteem and end up not realizing that your attitude may be related to individual internal factors, according to the acquired beliefs and also external factors, through the experiences lived throughout life . This attitude comes from a reflection related to responsibility and freedom.
It is worth remembering that ‘self-esteem attitude’ is different from behavior, since behavior doesn’t demand reflection, you behave in a certain way because you learned that way, while the other is the reflection of a choice, where you take responsibility for it. With these choices you start your way, kind of following instinctively and about to take risks that can lead you to chaos or the skies, but you will. Go, without fear of making mistakes, because you chose and reflected on the subject. Going right or wrong, you will only know if you walk the path.
When loving means suffering, it's time to rethink. When the conversations are only about the other, about the other's problems and thoughts, it is because love is too much, it is turned away from you. When you don't admire each other's characteristics, values, basic behaviors, but you end up overcoming everything and everyone to become attractive and understanding, so that he can change for you, you are definitely loving too much.
The great thing is to realize that self-knowledge is the main lever of transformation. Becoming aware of the reality of your condition is fundamental, but that alone is not enough. It takes courage to change, to change YES, by removing your obsession and affectionate attention for your partner and putting that energy into you and the recovery of your own life. It is important to understand that in order to change, it will be necessary to go through many stages and, as in any recovery, the help of a professional, a lot of dedication and commitment will be necessary. There is no shortcut, it is you with yourself and a constant work against suffering and the fear of going wrong, but if you choose to start the change, you are about to move from a person who loves too much, painfully and suffering, to a person who loves himself enough to feel no more pain and realize that love is made not of two halves, but of two whole ones. There is you, the other and an intersection of the two.
And then? Let's start?
“… Because no one is able to make happy those who refuse themselves the joy of being full”.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
I have never posted here before, but I felt a need to express my appreciation for your post. It's a breath of fresh air to see someone talk about love in these terms as opposed to what you usually see in our culture.
I think just about the only thing I would disagree with is the way you worded the idea that someone who's being self-sacrificial is "loving too much". I don't think it's love. If it is, then it's a very misguided sense of love because it's clear that the person who loves indiscriminately doesn't actually hold any clear values.
