New Relationship Advice
In June 2020 my wife of the time dropped a bomb on me one day that she was no longer in love with me. Understandably blindsided I was crushed and begged for any chance she'd give me to fix what I might have done. Over the course of the next few weeks I came to learn she'd been speaking with another man and had started falling for him. I asked her to no longer speak with him so that we could work on us and this caused her to tell him that and cry because she felt bad for him, not me however. I tried unsuccessfully for the next month or so to do my best to be the husband she deserved but nothing ever was enough. She lied to me and continued to talk with the other man, I eventually even found an Instagram page of her where she was writing love poems for him and they were commenting back and forth to each other. Thing went on like this for months but I always wanted to fix it. Fast forward to January of this year I had met a new girl, one who made me feel like never before and I finally got my courage to make the decision my ex never could and ended my marriage. My ex told me numerous times she was done with me towards the end so I made her decision final with paperwork. I am now months into this new relationship but still carrying anxiety that things will happen again like before with my new relationship. She is perfect in my eyes and I know she won't do the things I've experienced in the past but I still worry and get anxiety. Do you guys have any tips or advice? Anything I can try that may put me at ease? She doesn't deserve the traumas from my past to be apart of our future together and I want to be the best me I can be for her. Thank you guys for listening!
It sounds like that you were a very loving and caring husband to your ex wife and took her feelings and situation into concern. It sounds like that you did everything to work things out with her but she refused to focus on the relationship. Instead, she focused on the other guy. You came to the realization that you deserved a partner that would give you the love and support that you needed. As a result, you decided to move on and find another partner. Now you are afraid that the same thing will happen to you again. It's normal to feel that way after a betrayl that way. You know that your new partner doesn't deserve the traumas of your past and you want to heal yourself. Having an open and transparent relationship with her will help you. So, by promoting that openness with her sets those relationship boundaries and expectations and allows for maintenance on the relationship.
Thank you for your kind words and support! I do keep it very open with my new partner. She knows everything and I communicate with her when I'm feeling off or scared due to these past issues and she's very receptive and open when listening and gives me reassurance. I do want to give therapy a try so that I can really dig in and pinpoint certain areas to better myself. I know I did what was right and I have noticed a big improvement in myself sense then but it definitely still lingers. Thank you so much again!