Off/On Relationship

My girlfriend and I have been in together for a little over a year and we’ve unfortunately gotten to the point in our relationship where it’s starting to seem off and on and it’s 100% my fault. These were really great in the beginning but about 10 months in I’d say, I started to get the feelings that better off alone. It was a confusing time because as much I love my alone time, I love this girl more than anything else in the world, we have great conversations and really connect. That’s really my best friend. That being said, I took these feelings of me wanting to be alone and I suppressed them because I thought I was trippin. She would often ask me about how I felt about the relationship and I would reassure her that everything was fine and I felt bad about this and eventually told her I didn’t feel the same way I felt at the beginning and about the being alone thing and so I ended things. We got back together a week later and this is where I really felt bad because I did it partly because of how bad she was felt and how much I cared about cared about her feelings over mine. This lead to her asking me 3 months later if I got back together because of her feelings or mine and I lied and said mine. I later told her the truth that it was because of how sad she felt and how her sadness made me sad and regret what I did and we broke up AGAIN all bc I couldn’t tell her how I felt when she originally asked. The worst part is that she is so understanding and I love her and we both really want to make this work.

Post breakup I thought more on the whole thing and two weeks later I fully apologized for my actions and told her that these things would not happen again and I would change and asked to start over. She said we can’t rush back into things due to her not wanting to get hurt again and I should be sure I know what I want fr . I want to show her that I won’t be that guy again. I’m not that bad/toxic guy that is trying to play with her feelings, I just think that I broke up those times to run from the serious conversations that what I was feelings would have/ along with the aftermath. It really kinda started with the fear of constantly being responsible for another persons happiness bc she could be a bit clingy sometimes and I was also scared that I might let her down in the future.

Sorry this was a lot