Rebuilding

I guess I'm not really sure where to start. I am 38 and have been married for 17 years. My wife and I have 4 children ranging from 17 to 5.

When we were first married my wife used to flirt with me and pay me compliments. She hasn't done this in a very long time....

She had an emotional affair around 7 years in with a guy I was supposed to be friends with. She says that it never got physical beyond kissing a couple times.

I caught her by snooping through her phone. There was a huge blowup when I confronted her that ended up in me becoming suicidal and staying a week in the hospital.

We decided to try to move forward and try to repair our relationship. She promised we would do counseling (which she later went back on)

She hasn't had contacted with him since with the exception of recently seeing him randomly in a grocery store. (Which I wasn't told about).

This was just a few months ago. She didn't say anything about it, but instead I stumbled across it in a conversation with her friend where she confided that she missed him.

She had been deleting messages from a different friend of hers that apparently wanted a relationship with her. She says she shut him down, but deleted the messages to prevent me from being upset.

Noticing her strange behavior coupled with her complete lack of affect toward me cause me to install an app on her phone that tracks text and FB messages. I know it was wrong, but in the process I find out she's having conversations with her best friends husband (also my good friend).

She's sending him suggestive (not nude) pictures and he's talking about how he would love to do things to her.

I blow up and confront her.

She says it was stupid and she isn't even attracted to him. She liked the attention (even though she doesn't respond to my attention with anything but anger)

It's been about 2 months and we are trying to work things out. I can't stop seeing the messages in my head. I promised not to tell her friend because I don't want blow up her relationship. My friend doesn't see they did anything wrong... It was just fun and he thought he was helping.

During the time they were talking she bought lingerie and we started having sex and being playful again (which I missed for years).

Now she doesn't.

While we were being playful she said it bothered her that I never returned her wedding ring. (Before I knew what was happening)

I made the decision to get her a new ring and bad that didn't have all our old baggage attached. Then things blew up.

I had planned on giving her the ring for her birthday, because it was around that time when she had the emotional affair, and her birthday has been a hard time of year since.

Now, I obviously can't bring myself to do it.

She says that she is here because she wants to be with me, and seems genuinely sorry. But I can't help but feel all the teasing, touching, and sex wasn't because she wanted me, but because he turned her on and I was Just "available".

She recoils if I try to kiss her neck and gives me barely a peck on the way out the door. She doesn't touch me for, tease, or initiate sex. She wants nothing to do with sex having a different set of excuses each time I try. She says sex is all I care about. Yet says she's still attracted to me.

I don't feel attractive, I'm heart broken, and when we do check-ins she keeps telling me to keep doing what I'm doing. It can't be that simple.

Make matters worse... I have no one I can discuss things with without blowing up her friendship. But with that friendship comes him... Who I have to at least be civil with to avoid his wife finding out and further damaging my marriage..

Her birthday is in 3 days and I'm in a really bad place with no choice but to pretend everything is fine.

I don't know what to do. I lived my wife, but I don't know how much longer things can continue like this.