Recap of what happened
Alright so I used to date this girl I met at work. She had a cheating boyfriend at the time that she said had cheated on her 6 times and they fight all night some nights. After showing interest in her I was harassed by the boyfriend when I was leaving work calling me names and saying that he was going to beat me up. They had broke up and I had started seeing her. It was good for a while, there was a little tension because I felt like I was doing all the work in the relationship such as writing love letters, bringing flowers, sending paragraphs, getting soup when she was sick, and even making a poster of us and a heart I was going to surprise her with. This was until May where she had seemingly randomly started to ghost me and not talk to me or text me. She seemed normal and all interested in me at work but other than that she was not. This all came to a head when she sent me a very long message saying I’m a bad person and that we were done and everything. I replied that I had wanted to atleast meet up so she would break up with me to my face. This is when the ex boyfriend messaged me and told me to meet up with them. I assumed that the girlfriend was with him and I would meet up and get told the same thing she texted me but it would atleast be to my face and not a thrown together text message. I had gone to where he had said and I realized that the girl was not with him at all and it was him and two of his friends. I realized that it was basically all a set up. At this point I am completely devastated, I had lost litterly the girl I assumed was going to be there for life and was everything to me. I basically decided to just say fuck it I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I got out of the car and tried to talk to the ex. I had said I was not going to swing or fight. This is when he knocked me out, shattered my nose, gave me a massive concussion that I diddnt recover from for 3 days, swollen my left eye completely shut and my face extremely swollen, and left me laying there. I was rushed by some stranger to the emergency room where the police were there. I told them everything and now he is being charged. The issue I keep coming back to is like my emotions are 50/50. Part of me is like the good guy derek where I still love this girl and maybe I should just drop everything and make him just pay for my medical stuff so he can make her happier than I did apparently. The other half of me is just angry and wanting revenge, its making me want to just see him break down in the courtroom while police take him away. Depending on the time of day I am one of these two or the other.
this is not a sob story in fact my life is going good and I am much better than I was the day of the assault. I have really started working on myself, doing things such as exercise, reading, going to bed early, cleaning, yoga, and using this app now to vent. If there are any other suggestions for me to achieve peak happiness I would love to hear them. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this you are awesome
Certain people can not form genuine healthy relationships. It is evident from her inappropriate behaviour in the relationship with you, and her completely dysfunctional relationship with her other partner, that she is incapable or unwilling to form genuine relationships that are predicated on reciprocity and mutual affection. Rather, she is only infatuated with the IDEA of relationships, which to her represent some kind of platform, an arena for dramatic conflict, a stage for her to inflate and indulge her own self-importance. Everyone else is just a puppet on her stage, her adoring fans. She strings them along, only keeping them so long as they are entertaining, until she inevitably becomes bored of them and concocts some fantastic demise for their part in her play. Her other partner is exactly like her - they have no love for each other, and deep down they KNOW that they will never be happy together and do not even care to be either; they merely recognize that they are both destructive in the same way. It's not love - They are merely the same kind of poison, and that's their affinity for each other. That's why even upon admitting that he's "cheated" on her half a dozen times, she still finds her way back to him. Because she's addicted to the drama that he brings, the violence and the chaos, the desperate turmoil that he invites each time, she thrives on it. You with your roses, and poetry, and soup, and kindness and ACTUAL affection for her - she does NOT respect any of these things. She has a contempt for these sincere forms of tenderness, simply because they BORE her!
No. You were meant for better! Someone with your good intentions, and noble heart, and courage, you will find a love that is extraordinary and true. People like them set anthills on fire but think they are enacting some remarkable grand designs of destruction. In the end they are petty and insignificant and their lives are mostly embarrassing, their relationships inconsequential, even if they should compensate with all the arrogant pride in the world.
There is a lesson to be learned here however. It is said that "The best predictor of future behaviour is past bahviour." So a person's relationship history and how they have behaved in other relationships can be very revealing about who they are, and how they are likely going to behave in your own relationship with them.
All the best with moving forward,
CatsInTheCradle
