Should I stay strong?
I have a complicated history with a man. That’s spanned 20 years. Met him when I was 19. It was love at first sight, we both fell hard for eachother but it was moving too fast. I was too young, and I got scared. 6 years later he found me again. I unfortunately made a mistake and found myself a single mother now of twin boys when he found him. Again, our love blossomed like wildfire. But he got scared this time, because he wasn’t ready to be step father. Still had a lot of growing up to do. And we parted again..... 10 years later, like gravity he found me again. This time he is a single father of two girls aged 2 and 4. Recently divorced. Like the first two times, our love re-ignited. For the first two months we saw each other every other day, talked on phone every couple days, and texted all day everyday. He has full custody of his kids because the ex is mentally unstable, and because of that we decided not to introduce me to the girls yet because we knew his ex wouldn’t take well and would cause issues for the girls. So when I do see him, it was always in the evening after they were sleeping and only for a short time because he needed sleep. He also worked full time, and is in the process of buying and selling. Safe to say.... he is a very busy man. The problem is, things have changed. As I said the first two months he was able to make time for me. Make me a part of his life. See me, communicate with me. Then suddenly it all changed. I haven’t physically seen him since April 2nd.... I don’t want to pester him, so I don’t harass him about it, but I have asked twice over the past 40 days, and his response is always “I’m sorry. I am extremely busy right now. I am trying. But it’s only me, I have no one else to help with the girls. If you can be patient, but I understand if you can’t”..... I can be patient. But then he stopped calling..... then the texts starting slowing down, becoming response only, dry. Then days would go without any message or response from him..... I feel like he is pulling away. I feel like he is purposely putting distance between us. But at the same time, I don’t want to overthink and be the bitch. He didn’t message me for 4 days; and I finally called him out on it April 29th. I asked him if I should be concerned. He responded with “I was waiting for you to message me. I assumed you were busy”.... but I had sent the last message. I said that I don’t like going days without communication because it makes me anxious. Makes me worried he is losing feelings for me and it’s going to end. To always message me never wait. He responded with, I’m trying my best. I do love you, will never leave you, but this is the bad part of being in a relationship with me. I will be absent. My girls will always come first. Which I agreed with. Children should always come first, but you need to stay in communication when in a relationship. It didn’t fix anything. He still remains distance. I still send him a message a day. Varying from “encouragement” type quotes and images, to “I love you” to “funny things I found on TikTok” , to things I found for the girls. But it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall because he doesn’t respond.... for days. And only to the most recent message. I don’t know if he even noticed my daily messages because he leaves them on delivered. That’s where I am currently..... He responded on Saturday with a random pic of myself, no context or words. Tuesday he responded to a joke I sent with “lmao”, and today is Thursday with all my messages since Tuesday still delivered and unread. I don’t know how to handle this situation. I know he is going through a lot. Buying and selling a house is hard on its own, plus having to pack up everything too. He has no family for support. Does have friends though. I get it. He works full time, then comes home to his second job of being a single father. He gets no free time. The ex is useless as well. Visitation only. I want to cut the cord and run because my anxieties are short circuiting daily due to the distance between us. I am an over thinker as well, with love deprived and anxious adaptation disorder.... which makes all of this extra hard. Would love some neutral opinions. Sorry for the Novel
I’ve dated a guy like this before. Please trust in how the relationship was in the beginning (on and off). If this man was serious about committing he wouldn’t have let you go years ago. Life will always happen, but people make time for what they want to make time for.. everything else is just an excuse! Even his kids will be an excuse. There are literally billionaires who have kids,wives and businesses. They still find the time. Please also ask yourself what exactly been drawing you into this situation with him.. is it possibly how you feel when you’re entangled together? (In love.. excited.. connected... almost this high)
It’s funny because I have asked myself that question time and time again. Why am I giving him another chance, when he walked out 10 years ago. What is it about him that draws me like a moth to a flame. And the more I analyze, I understand a bit more. But it is hard to explain. When he is “giving his full attention” and “actively pursuing” and being present in the relationship, like it was for the first two months and the last two times we dated as well..... he is like a level 10 man. He showers you with affection, attention, compliments. He’s a gentleman, a knight, a Spartan all wrapped up in one package. He makes it so that you becomes consumed, obsessed, addicted and totally dependent on him. You feel like you are the most beautiful, perfect person in the world. And I think that’s the issue..... because in those moments, he is the epiphany of the perfect partner in life. And I miss it..... how it makes me feel. Because no other man even comes close to the level of attention, affection he gives. No one else compares. And yes to answer your question, it is because I lack confidence in myself. I have always suffered from extreme self loathing tendencies for some reason. Never feeling worthy. Which has led me down the path of self sabotaging relationships as well. Don’t text - jump to conclusion he is not interested etc etc. Dating for me.... is very hard. I may seem fine on the outside, but behind closed doors I am a hot mess, my mind a tsunami of anxiety, panic...... which is why I am still single when he found me again. Lol.