Something Missing

this is just for me. No comments please.

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I miss him so much. Even after all this time. It just feels like part of my life is missing.

Normally I don’t feel this way, this strongly. It’s a lingering feeling, but it’s never this strong. Now I can’t avoid it anymore.

Its so awful. And to make it worse, I live with a manipulator. I am trying my best to move out. I need more time. After that I should be okay. i live with my parents. I’m not proud of it.

shes got major issues. Issues that messed me up since childhood.

he was my escape. I was his. Idk why he isn’t talking to me but ... I feel replaced. It hurts.

is it so wrong to be selfish? To want to do things just for me? I don’t have anyone. I have friends, very good friends. And coworkers. But I don’t have a partner. I thought I was safe.

I don’t feel safe here. I have the urge to go through all my things and throw out all this old stuff I don’t identify with anymore. Just so that I can feel clear again. maybe I’ll do that after all.

I should get rid of what I don’t wear or use.

I just want my life back. Maybe I will move to the state I was planning on. And maybe we’ll run into each other. But I guess that’s up to fate to decide.

I wish I could just stay with him

get me away from this craziness and manipulation

maybe I’m an awful person and I deserve it.

it’s easier to think that sometimes. To just wallow.

to just.,.pretend I’m what the manipulator thinks I am. Awful and selfish.

the most selfish thing anyone can do...I couldn’t do that. But I do think about it sometimes.

I want him back. Does that make me a bad person?

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this is just for me. No comments please.

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