Stay or go?
Hi, I'm hoping to get some outside advice. I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years and we've had a lot of ups and downs. We've always stayed together and we've helped each other through so much life has thrown at us. We connect on a deep emotional level and both come from broken childhoods so we relate on that. We are opposites and approach most things on life differently. We constantly debate. Anyway, besides that he flirted and sexted with a bunch of girls online, pics, video, the lot. He says he only did this because I acted like a zombie, short conversations, depressed, short with him for a while. He's done something like that with a girl before for similar reasons in the beginning of our relationship. He also mildly flirted with a friend recently because he was upset with me. My therapist says he's controlling, manipulative, and narcissistic. I've just started seeing it's but it's hard to identify for me and of course my fiance says he's not those things. At times, it feels great and we feel so close. Other times, I'm scared I'm settling and that years down the road we're going to split and it's going to be messy because of kids and things. We're going to see a therapist soon, but he's told me that he can't wait to show me how wrong I am. There are a lot of red flags, but I don't want to regret losing him. He's great with my siblings and one really looks up to him. The others adore him. I kinda want to start a new me and become a better me by being dependent only on myself (single) but then I don't want to start over. I'm constantly confused and feel guilty and mad and all of the above. How do I determine whether to stay in this or not? And feel confident about it..
@greenThinker7636. This is in no way any type of advice or professional anything, simply my opinion. That being said, I think that whenever I am in a relationship and we have problems, I need to really look at the whole picture. Does the bad outweigh the good? Does your partner make you feel good or bad about yourself? Do you trust one another? Are you genuinely happy? Just to name a few. Also, I try to remind myself often that we are only given this one life. We all deserve to be safe, happy, and content in our daily life. A healthy relationship is one where the two of you can talk about issues, such as the sexting and flirting, and it should not result in violence, fear, raised voices, etc. If you truly want to save your relationship then you are entitled to do so, but you are also entitled to end it if you choose to. You are the only one who knows what is best for you, so ask yourself the questions I previously mentioned, have an honest conversation with each other, then after you have done all of that and examined your relationship, then maybe you will know what is best for you. I wish you luck!
Thank you! I appreciate your time and sincerity. That has definitely given me some more to think about. Thank you again. Cheers to living our best happy lives!