Stuck, confused, lost...help!
I've been in relationship for over 4 years with my boyfriend. For the last 3,5 years we haven't slept with each other all because all disappointments and broken promises. He still wants to be with me but I feel like I'm suffocating. 3 years and constant fights over petty things. Promises he never keeps. Swearing he will change and begging me no to leave him. He wants to be close I completely closed off now. When he kisses me it feels like he is my brother or something. It feels weird. I want to move on but I know he won't let me and I'm stuck financially as I lost job due to Covid and financial cuts of the company. I don't have family around or places that I could go to. I'm feeling lost and confused not sure what to do. I'm suffering with anxiety as well and that doesn't help situation. To escape the problems at least for a little moment I went on online chat. I know my friend won't understand the situation I am in so I chose to just let it all out to someone that won't judge me. I met a guy and conversation just flows. However he wants to meet up. He knows about my situation as I think it is fair for him to know. I don't feel like I should meet him. We only chatted onlime, we have not spoken on the phone or video chat yet. Although it worries me he doesn't seem problem in meeting up now. He tells me that girl like me happens 1 in 1000 and he didn't have a connection this strong with anyone in the last 5 years. I'm just so stuck with my life. Not sure what to do...help!
@aggie34
It sounds like you feel a little bit pressured from both your current boyfriend and this online guy friend. From what you describe of your boyfriend, the result of his behavior is a limited life for you, keeping you small and confined, rather than expanding your horizons and lifting you up, the way real love does. It all sounds very suffocating
On the flip side, this new guy seems to be offering you a freedom you're longing for, the conversation flows, and it feels so interesting and enlivening! That's known in my country as "The grass is always greener, on the other side of the fence." Sometimes we shorten it to "The grass is always greener." It simply means things look better from far away but as soon as you get there, you realize it's the exact same grass, or situation, you were in before!
Only you can decide what is right for you. However.... I am sensing some hesitation with respect to the online guy. I would caution you that if you feel like someone is trying to hurry you into taking action you don't feel ready for, such as meeting in person when you only know them from online, then listen to your gut feeling. It is sending up a warning flag to be careful. Not everyone from online is trustworthy. An online personality can be deceptive. If you choose to meet him, go together with a known friend, and only agree to meet in public in a busy location, with easy exits if you need to leave or feel uncomfortable. If you have a phone, keep it charged and with you at all times.
If he's as wonderful as he seems, he will not pressure you to meet him before you're ready, or to do anything you are uncomfortable with. Good luck!
Thank you so much. That's so well said. I am familiar with the saying and I agree om that. Like you said I am suffocating but my partner I'm still living with currently doesn't want to let me go and he is trying everything to keep me but I dont feel any attraction to him. It's so lovely that he trying and being so caring but I just dont feel it anymore ans haven't for a long time. Online guy was reassuring me at the beginning then he said that he will wait. I said it can be months I dont know. Then he replied I'm not going anywhere you have my number. I am very quick to judge person and im scared he is one of those guys that screwed me in the past. Sorry for my "French". I am used for my kindness and I dont want that again. However last night, as it's common in my behaviour and my traumas kick in. I pushed the online guy away. He didn't want to go but I've pushed and pushed and he gave up in the end. As I've started judging him that he is talking to other girls he never replies on time to my messages. So my paranoia gets too intense and I get all scenarios in my head. I've apologised to him this morning but haven't heard from him. I feel like I'm not in a right space and I'm so broken right now its ubearable. Don't think I will ever trust a guy again because of my past experiences. Just to note my partner I'm living with he never been type but he was so genuine to me that's why I gave it a go with us two. The online guy it's exactly my type and maybe that's was pulling me to him. I really don't know what I should do. I feel like I should let them both go ans maybe focus on myself... At the same time I dont wanna miss out on happiness. P.S the online guy said he is fine being alone or single so he doesn't care if he will be in relationship. He is happy where he is. However he said it would be nice to share the life with somome. I dont know if that's even notmal. You either say you want to be in relationship or not...am I right?
@aggie34
" I feel like I should let them both go ans maybe focus on myself..."
I think you answered your own question. :)
"At the same time I dont wanna miss out on happiness."
What if you fall madly in love with your own self and realize how wonderful you are? Oscar Wilde wrote, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
Maybe you're right 😔