When You're Holding On… But You're Not Sure If They Are Too

I’ve been in a long-term relationship, over two decades of shared life, love, family, and all the messiness that comes with real commitment.

But over the past few years, something has shifted. There have been two emotional betrayals. Hers, not mine. Not physical, and not long affairs, but short bursts of digital connection, each lasting only a few hours. Messages. Photos. Intimacy shared that should have stayed within us.

They may have been brief, but they left a lasting scar.

I’ve done a lot of work since. Therapy, reflection, growth. I’ve looked hard at myself and made real changes. She’s now in counselling too, and I want to respect the space she needs to process and figure out what she wants.

Part of that space means she won’t talk about the relationship with me right now. She says she needs to explore things privately in her sessions first and I respect that. I’m told it’s part of the process, and I do believe she’s working through it with her counsellor. But it’s hard, being on the outside of those conversations when the relationship they’re about still needs care at home too.

So while she’s doing that, I’m here trying. Waiting. Loving someone who hasn’t walked away, but who also hasn’t fully come back. Some days feel full of possibility. Others feel like I’m the only one still reaching across the gap.

It’s a strange place to be, between forgiveness and uncertainty. Between hope and reality. I just wish I knew if we’re still in this together.

Thanks for letting me get that out.

If anyone else has been through something similar waiting while your partner figures themselves out I’d really appreciate hearing how you navigated it. What helped you cope with the silence? And how did you know when it was time to keep holding on… or to let go?