how to gain a deeper understanding & awareness with your partner

I feel like my boyfriend hasn't made any growth since I've even met him (almost 3 years ago) & from what I've seen in the past it looks like he was almost exactly the same. I try to be very self aware and grow as a person everyday. When we fight I always try to look at it from both perspectives and I asked myself how did I affect the situation not how it affected me just to take responsibility in recognize what part I played in any problem etc that we may have. It's really been frustrating me lately because I'm not sure what to even do or how to go about it. I feel like everything is so surface level when it comes to him. I want him to grow and be more self aware, and just have more emotion in general because he can be kind of cold sometimes. He will not look at his part in any situation or have any self awareness whatsoever. I really feel like he doesn't know himself whatsoever. He refuses to reflect on anything and can barely talk about anything deeper than a surface level conversation. He makes it very difficult to have a relationship with when I feel like I'm the only one trying here. He tends to avoid everything, not very good at communicating, and doesn't look much into his part in it or the root of the problems. What do I even do, it's really really frustrating and it's becoming almost toxic to deal with but I don't want to give up just yet. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to bring things up like this? How to make someone be a little more self aware and in depth as a person? Or just how to handle it I guess cuz I know you can't make someone do something they don't want to do but I just feel like he doesn't know better almost that makes sense.