my anxiety in my relationship
So me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months, we love each other so much and can see a future with each other. Recently though, my anxiety levels have sky rocketed due to some exs trying to get in touch with him with the wrong intentions etc. And often now i find myself snapping randomly or speaking in the wrong tone if i don’t really think about what i’m saying. This never used to happen but now it does and it causes arguments between us. He has given me so many chances and we have a had a conversation about how draining this is for him to deal with all the time which i completely understand. Any advice on how to stop myself starting these arguments so i can go back to just loving him like i do?
@lightKite6806
That's a really difficult situation to be in, Kite. Being aware of what motivates you to start feeling worry, or anxiety, or jealousy, can be helpful to figuring out how to deal with it. If you've been hurt in the past, it's harder to give your trust to someone. Has he given you any reason to not have earned your trust? Or is the feeling based on something that happened in your past, something that has nothing to do with him personally? Try to remind yourself of only the facts, not the things that might or might be going on based on your worries or imagination. If you stay focused on the facts only, it can make things a lot easier. Hang in there! I wish you all the best as you work through this.
thank you so much @MidwesternCalmSeeker one of the things that i find it hard to give him all of my trust is because of a situation that happened with him recently where somebody from his past who has feelings for him was texting him with clearly the intentions of wanting to be with him. I got quite paranoid or nervous for a long time while he was still messaging her (he never reciprocated the feeling, he finds it hard to know when ppl are flirting so he thought they were having normal conversations). He did block her a couple of weeks ago but obviously the problems with my tone and me snapping at him are still there. I can’t tell if it’s to do with trust and anxiety or a bad habit ive just recognised i have?
I think like calmSeeker said, tryto identify the source of your anxiety and then try to look at the facts that support those anxious thoughts and the facts that refute those anxious thoughts.
It sounds like your bf is trying to do what he can to make you more comfortable like blocking his ex.
Also, if you find yourself unable to control yourself in moments of emotion, perhaps remove yourself from the situation instead of starting a fight. Wait until you're calm and then bring up whatever the issue is in a calm manner.
