Aversion to sex
Hi this is my first post and I wonder whether anyone has been through anything similar.
I have been with my partner for over 10 years and we even have a child together but for the last few years I have become increasingly more averse to having sex... to the point where I avoid him intimately altogether now so I dont have to face saying no.
I have been struggling with painful sex for many years now and the only medical diagnosis Ive been given is intimate psoriasis. I was given a cream but it doesnt help I still sting/itch all the time and its what has put me off sex I think.
I am going to get a second medical opinion about my psoriasis but I am beginning to think that even if I find a solution to the pain I still will not want to have sex anymore. I often think to myself I could easily live without it but I feel so guilty because I know my husband is suffering and he doesnt even push me but I feel horrible. I would also like to have more children with him.
Its gotten to the point where Ive begun to question other things like: am I still attracted to him? But I think its all ultimately down to the pain.
Anyways thanks for listening
@ConfusedPerson2903 Heya sorry for the late reply but I just read through it all <3 Well I don't know much of Psoriasis, but is there other intimate things you think you possibly can do if that's what you want? As in if penetrative sex is the big problem maybe go for some stuff you can do without that? Also there are some ways to be able to have more kids without having sex, such as is the thing some people with slight fertility problems may use, this site should be able to say more about this kind of thing. And seeing as this is a little bit of a late reply do you have any updates on this at all? I'd be glad to discuss this more <3
Can I ask too? Guys, how do you feel about the girls from the escort? Have you ever had sex with easily accessible ladies?
[edited by Anomalia to remove link]
@SoFree I don't think there is anything bad about it as long as it's definitely not illegal and you're both consenting to sex *shrugs* you can have your fun :p
It isn't something that I have direct experience with. My brother shared with me that sex is painful for his wife. I don't know how sensitive (or insensitive) he's been with her and I didn't pursue questions or thoughts as he made it clear she wouldn't be happy to know he'd shared that.
So I asked him more about his feelings about it, rather than her issue, as that felt more respectful to her. He was quite frustrated with the situation, as he would like to engage more in sex.
On the other hand, I don't know how truly intimate they really are. Yes, there's physical intimacy, but is there more to the relationship than that? I've never found sex to be a basic human need. I seem to recall living without for several of my years and I'm still alive.
I feel like physical intimacy is healthy in a relationship and should be encouraged, but what I hear is that there might be some fear or anxiety, something, that prevents you from sharing this with your husband.
Questions I would ask are: How is your emotional intimacy, or even your intellectual intimacy? Are these things that might impact your ability to truly be aroused in the moment, to open yourself up to him (and I mean that physically, in this sense).
As with anything between couples, when I feel like I can't talk about something, I ask myself why do I feel this way. Is it something in me, or is it something that I'm not comfortable with in someone else.