Day 555... and counting.

I can remember the exact day my boyfriend and I were last intimate with eachother. This day is drilled into my brain. It's been 555 days since we last had sex, and it breaks my heart.

We have been together for over 2 years and most of our relationship has been without physical intimacy. I haven't even seen him naked in this time frame. We do still cuddle and kiss, he smacks my butt all the time, and we enjoy each other's company. We never fight and we get along so well, but we cannot seem to connect physically.

I have asked a few times to try being physical, brought it up multiple times, have expressed my feelings, got us into couples counselling, even went as far as to get him a doctor's appointment to see if his hormone levels are normal (his appt is tomorrow, so we will have to wait on those results). But I still feel helpless. I spoke to a listener on here who told me I need to tell him that sex is something I need in this relationship, and that without it... I will have to leave. He told me he does not want that and that he will try harder. This talk was 2 weeks ago, and yet... Still nothing.

I have asked him twice in the past month to take a shower together, just to ease into things and get us used to being naked in front of each other. But both times were unsuccessful.... Yesterday I told him I will no longer ask/initiate as it is too much pressure on me to always be the one trying. And that he will have to try next time.

I really don't want to end this.