Guilty about fetish
I’ve had the fetish my whole life and it has absolutely destroyed my self esteem. There’s no support or any communities or anything somewhat positive relating to it. I’m even too embarrassed to say it here. When I was younger I thought it was normal and things but of course i learned otherwise. I’ve lost friends and relationships because of it and have gained hate everywhere from something I just want help for. I don’t know what to do anymore. It's unbearable to be how I am. I’m so jealous of normal people. I just don’t know how to get help. I can’t embrace my fetish because everyone will hate me. I need to cure it but I have no clue how.
(Edited by FM @CheeryMango)
@LemonTree01 is it a legal fetish? because you will get alot of hate if you have an illegal one such as child or beast- jail time if youve engaged. i understand you want help, but to really understand you will have to open up to someone. feel free to try and reach out to me- if anything ill give you my number- i would really like to help because i myself am embarrased. i can try to help!
Illegal unfortunately (necrophilia) I have never done anything though don’t worry because I know I would feel even more shame than I already do- plus I don’t want to receive jail time (even if it isn’t for very long I don’t want like a criminal record or anything). I understand the amount of hate but because of that when you look stuff up all you can find is things on why its bad, not stuff on how to cure it.
@LemonTree01
Speaking very cautiously here, and without judgment: is it at all possible that your fetish, and the related guilt, might vanish if you were to actually be in the presence of the very thing that you seem drawn to? I do not know if you have been in the presence of a dead person. Note that I do *not* mean acting on your fetish. Note that I do *not* mean engaging in any act(s), beyond just being present, in the moment. I believe you already made clear you won't act on anything, so that is reassuring.
My thought is, sometimes just being acknowledged in some way allows feelings, thoughts, urges etc. to dissolve, and never recur. It's when we ruthlessly suppress them, that they gain power. Does this make sense at all?
It may be possible. I’ve only been near one body before but it was at a science place and wasn’t fresh at all. I don’t plan on acting on anything, as much as I want to I know I would feel overwhelming amounts of guilt afterwards and I don’t want to experience that. You are making sense, back when I was more set on curing myself and was cutting myself off from everything that would trigger my desires (which included just being around people), it made everything much much worse. I’m not restricting anything now, I’m still not happy but I am happier than I was. I wish there was an easy solution to everything and I could just snap my fingers and be normal, but I’m exclusively attracted to dead bodies and have been for most of my life so I know itsnot that easy. Excuse the rambling
@LemonTree01
No worries about rambling. IDK whether you feel a professional counselor would be needed, or if you can even afford it, but it might help. I don't think you'd need to necessarily inform them up front, hey this is my specific fetish, but you would probably want to say to them, on starting, I have some unpleasant things, I mean really unpleasant topics, that I need to get off my chest. Then, when comfortable, you could disclose the fetish and if they are professionals, they would be non-judgmental and dispassionate, and if unable to handle the topic, they would ideally refer you to another provider. Unfortunately this does mean having to start over and disclose *again* if the first counselor won't work with you. It's definitely not the easiest of subjects, but it sounds like you are trying to take constructive steps by asking for help, which is a good thing all by itself.
@LemonTree01 hey sorry im just reading this- id like to give you my snapchat if its allowed, its one i made exclusivley to help people, i wish the best for you and hope you can get this sorted out. i am happy to hear you have enough control to never act on it, and i understand how ashamed you may feel. i sympathize to some extent as i am someone with intrusive thoughts that i would never speak of out loud. it takes alot of courage to admit that you have a problem and i feel that you are capable of making great strives. good luck and let me know if you are interested in my snap.
This sounds really hard, the fact you want to get help is amazing and I am really proud of you! Trying to seek a therapist where you could be open about these things if you could would be helpful. I think people like to distance themselves from perverse sexual things and thats why it can be really hard to find help for them. What helped me was finding a line between acceptance and reality. Just because we have these thoughts doesn’t make us bad people or monsters. It was saying I know I think about these things or like them but there fantasies for a reason. Because that fact that your hurting someone else takes any want you ever could have. Trying to take the pressure and focus off of it and let it bleed into safer kinder things. Just because you think or other people think your bad doesn’t you are. I believe you can get better, I hope you do too.
@LemonTree01 Hey would you still like to talk about it? I'm no professional but a psychology student, I honestly know a little bit of how it feels, too as I have paraphilia myself. Feel free to drop me a massage