Help Me Learn to In Love a Different Way

I met a remarkable guy out of the blue. There was an instant connection which grew nicer with each day. Both of us had been resigned to lonely single lives because our tastes were so specific and we both felt misunderstood. Together, all the nightmares we experienced in solitude began to feel less painful, our passions grew, our talk of marriage came early.

Then I began to notice that he had never reached an orgasm with me, sex was difficult for him, and I could not figure it out but I knew something wasn't adding up, that it was not an ED problem. He finally confessed his true kink which involves cross-dressing, porn addiction, and his private sex life with himself which began at age 5. I'm devastated because he tells me that what he does with himself feels so much better than anything he and I can do together.

I reacted in a very supportive manner, took him shopping to add to his T wardrobe, taught him to surf the web, and tried to adjust my sexuality to coincide with his pleasures. It has not worked out, and now we are at the point where I am not trying to have sex with him anymore. I got so turned on at first, and without any release, I had to backpedal so I would not have to mole around in a perpetual state of sexual need.

I'm asking for help to navigate what will be a sexless marriage with him. I don't want to be cruel, and I still want him. His fetish involves being molested, his mindset is to be a little girl, and his explanation is that he knew what being a boy felt like so he developed an intense curiosity for all things females do and feel, particularly the uncomfortable things.

Being an only child, secluded in his room, not allowed to play, get dirty, act like a real boy, being little in stature and enduring so much harassment throughout his life for being little, have all played a role in what he has become.

I just want to get past the torrent of emotions I am having over technically being rejected in this strangest of ways. It isn't even him that is rejecting me, it is his fetishes that have put the pleasure barrier between us. We have had intercourse and it was AWESOME. I want more, but I see the lovely man he is struggling and avoiding it.

I decided to take an SBDM approach to any future intimate encounters we have, where I set rules, punish him, force him to do things, and verbalize my displeasure. It is the only way I can think to therapeutically help him and myself. The only problem with it is that I don't expect there to be any sexual satisfaction for me, and I'm just trying to accept it. I could use some advice or consoling.