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Hi. Im a 28 year old gay male, and Ive never had a long term romantic relationship. Ive forged strong platonic bonds with males in my life, but once I perceive someone I want to pursue romantically, it fails miserably. The relationships I have had where Ive pursued romantic feelings end in us apart, whether by drifting or by force with the exception of two relationships that survived. Im convinced my sexuality isnt truly me, and that my experimenting as a kid was actually sexual abuse that somehow damaged me and, because of the lack of exposure to women (and just no visceral desire), that my being gay is more a construct I built of myself and not who I really am.
Wow, very interesting dilemma, my heart goes out to you. Relationships are so hard, especially romantic ones. I have no answers but just wanted to offer support. Take care, have a great day.
@littlbigkid
You are an interesting and unique person. Men in general pretty much know what they like because we are visual creatures. Do you think you might be gay but don't want to deal with all the issues that come with it?
I'm a gay man and when I fooled around with other boys it was just what boys do. However, I think I enjoyed it more but I played and along and didn't want to be the gay one even though I was! It just felt right. I didn't want to let on that I didn't have sexual feelings for women. So I enjoyed and eventually knew I was gay.